January 15, 2013

“OLD BONES” NEWS
November 2012

“Lest we forget”

 

LOCATION:

Almage Senior Community Centre,                               8680 Hochelaga,MontrealQCH1L 2M6

Almage, St. Michel/Rosemount Satellite,                6341 Delormier St, QC (Monday)

Almage, RDP/PAT Satellite,                                         11991 Pierre Baillergeron,Montreal,QC

Almage, Montreal North Satellite,                                 10374 Cobourg,Montreal North,QC

 

administration

Giovanna, Manager

Dorothy, Volunteer Coordinator

Joyce, Director, Chairperson of Satellite Centers

Advisory Committee Members – St. Michel/Rosemount Satellite

Barbara, Treasurer

Frank.

Stella

Arleen

Janet

“Old Bones” News

Pat, Proofreader

Janet Stubbert, Editor

Send submissions to: janetstubbert@hotmail.com

 

Happy Birthday!

 Y  Bea and Frank  Y 

 

Nov 12 to Nov 21 –     Chestnut Tree

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) — of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

 

Nov 22 to Dec 01 –     Ash Tree

Ash Tree (Ambition) — extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

 

NEWS FROM AMAGE ROSEMOUNT /ST. MICHEL CENTRE

 Thank You

‘Thank You’ from all of us to Carol B for the wonderful workshop on ‘Stress Management’ she presented on October 1, 2012.

And “thank you” Michel Demarest for sharing your wonderful documentary with us.  It was a true inspiration to all of us.  Also, we are very appreciative of the TV you generously donated to our group; thank you.

 

UP-COMING EVENTS AT OUR CENTR
November 5th.  Notary Jean Valiquette, will visit us.

November 19th, 2012.  Carrefour Angrignon shopping trip confirmed.

November 12, 2012.  We are in the process of arranging a special Remembrance Day Ceremony.   If you have any suggestions please see one of the Advisory Committee members.

 There is a trip available through Voyages Caleche Inc.

December 1, Trip toUpper CanadaVillage, Cost $89.00 covers Transportation

Lunch at Mackintosh/Play/View the Lights / Voyages Caleche Inc 514 489-2994

 If you are interested please speak to someone on the Advisory Committee and they in turn will make further inquiries for you.  Time is of the essence and a reservation with Voyages Caleche Inc is necessary.

 

 

MEDIC NEWS
BYHelena

SUPERIOR RECOGNITION OR FACE BLINDNESS
Some people claim they never forget a face. How about you?  Do you remember a face even if that face belongs to someone you met or seen in passing years ago?  If so, it is possible you may be part of an elite group called Superior Recognizers thus, named by psychologists at Harvard Univ. These Super Recognizers with an extraordinary ability never forget a face.

However, Super Recognizers often compensate by pretending not to recognize some one they met in passing to avoid seeming to be odd or placing undue importance to a casual encounter because, instead of acknowledging this unique ability, it as regarded as a quirk or flaw. These people shy away from recalling faces of the past as it seems they may be stalking or putting too much emphasis on a person met through a fleeting chance.

Despite this stigma, more people are willing to admit they are a Super Recognizer – able to recognize a face seen years ago. For instance, one woman in a study said she identified a waitress whom she saw five years earlier on the street. Imagine!  Would you be able to recognize some one you have seen in passing that long ago?
This ability can be an extremely important asset to society. It is also more relevant to stress the importance of discovering them so we can acknowledge and accept their unusual ability. They can be a tremendous advantage to us. With proper testing we can use that ability. For example, the benefit of their ability lies in assessing eye witness testimony, as well as interviewing for jobs such as security or identification checking.

In the end, rather than making these unusual people seem odd, we should embrace their ability. The ability to recognize a face no matter how short the encounter or how long ago it happened, can be an advantageous contribution.
On the other side of the coin, how would you feel when every one you see is a stranger?  Imagine not being able to recognize people’s faces including your friends, family or even yourself when looking in the mirror, you are not able to identify your own face. Could you imagine having this neurological disorder which is called Prosopagnosia or Face Blindness? It is a medical condition in which the afflicted individual is unable to distinguish the facial characteristics of people. For people who are Face Blind, this condition is very real.

Most of us take for granted that we can instantly recognize people by looking at their face. This is an automatic reflex. People could change clothes, change their hairdo and not be seen for years, yet you still know them by their face. However,

there are people who have this mysterious condition that makes it nearly impossible to recognize or identify faces. This is not blindness or a vision problem but a memory problem. Ask yourself how they cope.

Face Blind people looking at some one’s face, see the person. However, looking away, they can not remember whether the person is wearing glasses, has short hair, has blue or brown eyes, has a mustache or beard or has a straight or short nose. To compensate for not being able to recognize facial characteristics, other clues are used to identify a person. These include hair, clothes, voice, distinct movements, mannerism, expression, attention to where the eyes look and even, a spoken word or name. With enough clues put together, Face Blind people are able to recognize the person they know.
Until mid 1996 when people with this condition began using the Internet and connecting with each other, there was not much information available. Even researchers faced obstacles having only a few known patients to work with. However, with Internet, Face Blind people are surfacing in greater numbers. Hopefully this condition will be more known to the public as is, for instance, another condition called Dyslexia.  

 

Both conditions, Super Recognition and Face Blindness, are very unique. It would certainly be very interesting to find out who you know with either one or the other condition.        Stay Informed And Be Healthy. 

 

Recipe of the Month

By Stella

 

LEMONY LENTIL SOUP WITH SPINACH

 1 tbsp vegetable oil

1 cup chopped onions

1 tbsp minced garlic

Pinch cayenne pepper

Freshly ground black pepper

1 package (10 0unces/300 grs.) frozen spinach

1 can (19 ounces/540 ml) lentils, drained and rinsed

5 cups vegetable or chicken stock

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice

Grated lemon rind

Salt

 In large saucepan, heat oil and cook onions until softened. Add garlic, cayenne pepper and black pepper. Cook, stirring for 1 min. Add spinach and cook stirring and breaking it up until thawed or wilted if fresh.  Add lentils and stock. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes to cook spinach and combine flavours. Stir in lemon juice and grated rind and salt. Serve at once. I also freeze any leftovers.

During the month of November we remember our brave sons and daughters who fought to protecty our freedom.

 

Lest we forget

 

They went with song to battle    they were young, straight of limb

true of eye, steady and aglow.     they were staunch to the end

against odds uncounted,   they fell with their faces to the foe.

 

They shall not grow old, as we that are left grow old

age shall not weary them, Nor the years condemn.

at the going down of the sun and in the morning

we will remember them.

 

You Bought Me Time

 

You gave your lives in WW11,    and even though I fought with you

I lived – was it my due?   You bought me time!

 

Time to see my family grow,   See my grandkids faces glow –

Things that you will never know,    – You brought me time!

 

Time to work and time to play   Watch a sunset after day,

Watch my garden grow in May – You bought me time!

 

Stanley Cups and Super Bowls,   Worked at my job – achieved my goals,

Wore many hats – played many roles,    You bought me time!

 

Fifty years and even more,   I’ve lived since that so costly war,

No aircraft whine, no canon roar, You bought me time!

 

And now I’ve over seventy, I’ve had a life full and free,

I thank you all eternally –   You bought me time!

By Arnie Hanenberg

(A World War 11 RCAF veteran)

 Prayer: ‘Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen.’

 

HISTORY

 A mid-air collision on February 1, 1943, between a B-17 and a German fighter over theTunisdock area, became the subject of one of the most famous photographs of World War II. An enemy fighter attacking a 97th Bomb Group formation went out of control, probably with a wounded pilot then continued its crashing descent into the rear of the fuselage of a Fortress named All American, piloted by Lt. Kendrick R. Bragg, of the 414th Bomb Squadron.

 When it struck, the fighter broke apart, but left some pieces in the B-17. The left horizontal stabilizer of the Fortress and left elevator were completely torn away. The two right engines were out and one on the left had a serious oil pump leak. The vertical fin and the rudder had been damaged, the fuselage had been cut almost completely through connected only at two small parts of the frame and the radios, electrical and oxygen systems were damaged. There was also a hole in the top that was over 16 feet long and 4 feet wide at its widest and the split in the fuselage went all the way to the top gunner’s turret.

 Although the tail actually bounced and swayed in the wind and twisted when the plane turned and all the control cables were severed, except one single elevator cable still worked, and the aircraft still flew – miraculously!

 The tail gunner was trapped because there was no floor connecting the tail to the rest of the plane. The waist and tail gunners used parts of the German fighter and their own parachute harnesses in an attempt to keep the tail from ripping off and the two sides of the fuselage from splitting apart. While the crew was trying to keep the bomber from coming apart, the pilot continued on his bomb run and released his bombs over the target.

 When the bomb bay doors were opened, the wind turbulence was so great that it blew one of the waist gunners into the broken tail section. It took several minutes and four crew members to pass him ropes from parachutes and haul him back into the forward part of the plane. When they tried to do the same for the tail gunner, the tail began flapping so hard that it began to break off. The weight of the gunner was adding some stability to the tail section, so he went back to his position.

 The turn back towardEnglandhad to be very slow to keep the tail from twisting off. They actually covered almost 70 miles to make the turn home. The bomber was so badly damaged that it was losing altitude and speed and was soon alone in the sky.

 For a brief time, two more Me-109 German fighters attacked the All American. Despite the extensive damage, all of the machine gunners were able to respond to these attacks and soon drove off the fighters. The two waist gunners stood up with their heads sticking out through the hole in the top of the fuselage to aim and fire their machine guns. The tail gunner had to shoot in short bursts because the recoil was actually causing the plane to turn.

 

Allied P-51 fighters intercepted the All American as it crossed over the Channel They also radioed to the base describing that the empennage was waving like a fish tail and that the plane would not make it and to send out boats to rescue the crew when they bailed out. The fighters stayed with the Fortress taking hand signals from Lt. Bragg and relaying them to the base. Lt. Bragg signaled that 5 parachutes and the spare had been “used” so five of the crew could not bail out. He made the decision that if they could not bail out safely, then he would stay with the plane and land it.

 Two and a half hours after being hit, the aircraft made its final turn to line up with the runway while it was still over 40 miles away. It descended into an emergency landing and a normal roll-out on its landing gear.

When the ambulance pulled alongside, it was waved off because not a single member of the crew had been injured. No one could believe that the aircraft could still fly in such a condition. The Fortress sat placidly until the crew all exited through the door in the fuselage and the tail gunner had climbed down a ladder, at which time the entire rear section of the aircraft collapsed onto the ground. The rugged old bird had done its job.                                                 Submitted by Ted

 

INSPIRATIONAL

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat.  It was going to be a long flight.  ‘I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,’ I thought.

 Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me.  I decided to start a conversation.

 ‘Where are you headed?’ I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 
‘Petawawa. We’ll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we’re being deployed toAfghanistan.’

 After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.

 As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch.  ‘No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn’t be worth five bucks.  I’ll wait till we get to base.’   His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill.  ‘Take a lunch to all those soldiers.’  She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly.  Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me.  ‘My son was a soldier inAfghanistan; it’s almost like you are doing it for him.’

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated.  She stopped at my seat and asked, ‘Which do you like best – beef or chicken?’  ‘Chicken,’ I replied, wondering why she asked.  She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.

 

‘This is your thanks.’

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room.  A man stopped me. ‘I saw what you did.  I want to be part of it.  Here, take this.’  He handed me twenty-five dollarsSoon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked.  I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane.  When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, ‘I want to shake your hand.’  Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain’s hand.  With a booming voice he said, ‘I was a soldier and I was a military pilot.  Once, someone bought me a lunch.  It was an act of kindness I never forgot.’  I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs.  A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine.  He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane.  Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

 Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base.  I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars.  ‘It will take you some time to reach the base.  It will be about time for a sandwich.  God Bless You.’

 Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return.  These soldiers were giving their all for our country.  I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little.

 A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ‘Canada’ for an amount of ‘up to and including my life.’

That is Honour, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

 

YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN! 

Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done & do not blame others. HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT a senior citizen who took:

 The melody out of music, the pride out of appearance,

The courtesy out of driving, the romance out of love,

The commitment out of marriage, the responsibility out of parenthood,

The togetherness out of the family, the learning out of education,

The service out of patriotism, the Golden Rule from rulers,

The nativity scene out of cities, the civility out of behavior,

The refinement out of language, the dedication out of employment,

The prudence out of spending, or the ambition out of achievement.

 And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!

 And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country. Just look at the seniors with tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they stand at attention remembering and giving thanks for those very young men and women who gave their lives for us …those who came  home broken … who suffered with memories of their buddies who fought and died next to them… Yes, those senior citizens who they themselves fought for our country… who still fight for our human rights and for peace … for you and for me.

 A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list. 

 If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong. 

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.   

 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE 

Spread the laughter, share the cheer

Let’s be happy while we’re here!

 

A STORY CANADIANS WILL APPRECIATE

Did you hear about the guy who had a map ofCanadatattooed on his butt?

Every time he sits downQuebecseparates.            Submitted by Barbara

 Max & Arlene lived by a lake inNorthern Minnesota.  It vas early winter

And the lake had frozen over.

Max asked Arlene if she vould valk across DA frozen lake to DA yeneral Store to get him some beer.   She asked him for some money but he told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”

So Arlene valked across, got the beer at DA yeneral store, den walked back home across the lake.  Ven she got home and gave Max his beer, she asked him, “Max, you alvays tell me not to run up DA tab at DA Store.    Why didn’t you yust give me some money?”

Max replied, “Vell, I didn’t vant to send you out dere vit some money Ven I vasn’t sure how tick the ice vas yet.”                                     Submitted by Stell

A father was approached by his small son, who told him proudly,

“I know what the Bible means!”
His father smiled and replied, “What do you mean, you ‘know’ what the Bible means?
The son replied, “I do know!”
“Okay,” said his father. “What does the Bible mean?”
“That’s easy, Daddy. “The young boy replied excitedly,”

 It stands for ‘Basic Information before Leaving Earth.’

A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question, “Boys and girls, what do we know about God?”

A hand shot up in the air. “He is an artist!” said the kindergarten boy.

“Really?  How do you know?”  The teacher asked.

“You know – Our Father, who does art in Heaven… ”

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car

 

The Best Smart Ass Answers!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6       it was mealtime during an airline flight.
‘Would you like dinner?’ the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.               ‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

#5    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’

#4    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead…’
SMART ASS ANSWER #3

SMART ASS ANSWER #3    The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

#2    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR!! A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, r a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly…

I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.

 

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

                                                                                Submitted by Ted

QUIPS

Q:     Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A:     On their foreheads.

Q:     What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter         antique stores?
A:     “Gosh, I remember these!”                                                                                                                                                   Submitted by Stella

The Juggler and the Mountie

 A  Mountie pulled a car over on theTrans Canada Highwayabout 2 miles WEST OFMoose Jaw,Sask.  When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way toReginato do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn’t want to be late.

 The Mountie told the driver he was just fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a speeding ticket. The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

 The Mountie told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.

 The juggler stated that he could, so the Mountie got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.   While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.

 A drunk, good old boy, driving through fromAlberta, got out and watched the performance briefly.

 He then went over to the patrol car, pulled opened the rear door and then got in.

 The Mountie observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk then replied to the Mountie   YOU MIGHT as well take me to jail “Cause there’s no way I can pass THAT TEST.”                             Submitted by Barbara

 

Confession

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rome went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: “Father … During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.”

“There is more to tell, Father.  She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a   week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.”

The priest said, “That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”

“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.”

“And what is that?” asked the priest.

“Should I tell her the war is over?”                                 Submitted by Stella

 Everyone wants a piece of the action….

 ACapeBretonercalls up his lawyer and asks:

“ Wit all dem lawsuits going on I’m feelin ‘ kinda left out,  How do I get in on some of dat action? I hears dat people are suing the cigarette companies ’cause dey got cancer and others are suing the Big Mac Company cause dey got themselves fat and all kinds of stuff”

His lawyer asks “And which one of those categories do you fit under?”

The dearoleCapeBretoner, God bless his soul answers

“Neider b’y, I just wanna know if I can sue Molson’s for all dem ugly women I woke up wit…                                                         Submitted by GREET

 Happy IVGLDSW Day!

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman’s Day! And remember this motto to live by: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOOO HOOOOO what a ride!                  

Why you should never, ever, question a drunk

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice,

A head of lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee and A 1 lb. package of bacon.

 As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, You must be single.’

 I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.  I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, ‘Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?’
The drunk replied, ‘Cause you’re ugly.’                            Submitted by Barbara

Bagpiper at a Funeral

 As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

 I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

 I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

 The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.  I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

 And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.  Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

“I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing.            Submitted by Ted

 

Florida Court Sets Atheist Holy Day

InFlorida, an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days.

The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.

case was brought before a judge.

After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,” Case dismissed

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, “Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case?

 

The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others.

 

The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays.”

 

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, “But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.”

 

The lawyer said, “Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists.”

 

The judge said, “The calendar says April 1st is “April Fools Day”.  Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’  
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day.                               Submitted by Stella                                                                    

 

THE DEVIL MADE ME DO THIS

Doctor to Lady, during her medical examination:  “Your heart, lungs, pulse & blood pressure are all fine.  Now, let me see that little thing that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”

The lady started taking off her clothes…

The Doctor stopped her:  “No!  No!  Please don’t remove your clothes.

 JUST STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE!”                                 Submitted by Stella

 

Quotes:

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy – Helen Hayes (at 73)

Old age ain’t no place for sissies. – Bette Davis

I refuse to think of them as chin hair. I think of them as stray eyebrows. – Janette Barber

 

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