October 2010 “OLD BONES” News

October 2, 2010

October 2010 JANET STUBBERT, Editor “Old Bones News” – janetstubbert@hotmail.com

October Birthdays

♫ Happy Birthday to you! ♫ Edith and Eva ♫ Happy Birthday to you! ♫

Oct 14 to Oct 23 – Maple Tree
Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) — no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress

Oct 24 to Nov 11 – Walnut Tree
Walnut Tree (Passion) — unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous & passionate, no compromise.

In Memorium

Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Ruth McEwen, Diane Cook, Marilyn Sauve, Violet Ste. Croix, Nan McLeod, Mary Roselle and Marco Monstesi. You are missed.
R. I. P.

News from Almage 50+ Center, 8680 Hochelaga St.

Open House Week – Welcome Back Week September 13th – to September 17th, 2010

We are invited along with our friends, neighbours and family members to visit the center. Guided tours will be available and the staff and board of directors will be there to answer questions. There will be different surprises during the week.

Trips: October 13 – Shopping and Lunch at Angrignon Shopping Center in Ville LaSalle
October 27; Casino Mont-Tremblant
November 10th Shopping at Wal-Mart in Cornwall, Ontario
November 24th – Christmas at St. Constantin

For additional information about the above trips and the open house please refer to the Almage 50+ Center’s Newsletter. The telephone number for the center is 514 335-1712

Dates to celebrate in the month of October

Brother Andre -soon to Saint Andre

Sunday October 16, 8:30 p.m.
Prayer Vigil led by various religious groups starting at 8:30 p.m. and continuing all night in the Crypt Church.

Saturday, October 17, 2010, 4 am….a Saint

The rite of Canonization of Blessed Brother Andre: A live broadcast form St. Peter’s Square in Rome. To be shown on a large screen projection in the Crypt Church.

Sunday, October 31

A ceremony honoring members of the extended family of Brother Andre during the 11:00 a.m. mass (in French) and 11:15 a.m. (in English) in the Crypt Church.

Sunday:
Thanksgiving Mass Celebration at 2 p.m. at the Olympic Stadium.
For tickets call 1 -800-361-4595 ( $5.00)

Healing Saint

Born near Montreal, in 1845, Blessed Andre Bessette applied to join the Congregation of the Holy Cross at the age of 25. Initially refused due to poor health, he gained the backing of his bishop, and was accepted. Andre became doorkeeper at Notre Dame College, Montreal, and subsequently sacristan, laundry worker and messenger.

Andre had a special ministry to the sick. He would rub them with oil from a lamp in the college chapel, and many were healed. The trickle of sick people to his door eventually became a flood.

His superiors were uneasy; diocesan authorities were suspicious; and doctors called him a quack. “I do not cure,” he always said, “it is Saint Joseph who cures”.

For many years the Holy Cross authorities had tried to buy land on Mount Royal. Brother Andre and others climbed the steep hill and planted medals of Saint Joseph on it, and soon after the owner yielded. This incident helped the current devotion to Saint Joseph by those looking to buy or sell a home. Andre collected money to build a small chapel, and received visitors there, listening to their problems, praying, rubbing them with Saint Joseph’s oil, and curing many.

Despite his frail health, Andre died at the ripe old age of 91 on January 6, 1937, of natural causes, and more than a million people paid their respects at his funeral. He was beatified on May 23, 1982, by Pope John Paul 11. Sainthood is pending.

From: Messenger of St. Anthony/Jan 2010 Submitted by Frank

Thanksgiving Day, October 11

Explorer Martin Frobisher held a ceremony to give thanks in 1578 after he had survived the long journey in his quest to find a northern passage from Europe to Asia. However, the native peoples of the Americas held festivals to celebrate the completion and bounty of the harvest long before European explorers and settlers arrived in what is now Canada.

From 1879, Thanksgiving Day was held every year but the date varied. The theme for many years’ was the “Blessings of an abundant harvest” .However, Queen Victoria’s golden and diamond jubilees and King Edward VII’s coronation formed the theme in later years.

From the end of the First World War until 1930, both Armistice Day and Thanksgiving Day were celebrated on the Monday closest to November 11, the anniversary of the official end of hostilities in World War I. In 1931, Armistice Day was renamed Remembrance Day and Thanksgiving Day was moved to a Monday in October. Since 1957, Thanksgiving Day has been held on the second Monday in October.

In Canada Thanksgiving Day is linked to the European tradition of harvest festivals.
A traditionally, Thanksgiving dinner includes roast turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, turnip, carrots, gravy, and seasonal produce, such as pumpkin, corn ears and pecan nuts.

Are you hungry yet?

October 4th the Feast of St Francis of Assisi

October 4th commemorates the life of St Francis, who was born in the 12th century and is the Catholic Church’s patron saint of animals and the environment.

Some Catholic and Anglican churches open their doors for pet blessings. While other churches hold special events to coincide with the feast of St Francis of Assisi.

In Montreal there is an “Annual Blessing of Pets” that takes place in late on Mount Royal in September or early October.

St Francis, Founder of the Franciscan order, lived in Italy during the late 12th and 13th centuries and died at Portiuncula, Italy on October 4, 1226… He is remembered for his generosity to the poor; his willingness to minister to the lepers and for his love for animals and nature.

Pope Gregory IX pronounced St Francis a saint in 1228. The pope also laid the foundation stone for the Basilica of St Francis, a national historic site in Assisi, Italy.

Some symbols associated with St Francis are: Animals such as birds, deer, and a wolf.
Other symbols are a bag of gold and rich raiment at St Francis’ feet, a winged crucifix with five rays, Stigmata, A crown of thorns, a lighted lamp, a fiery chariot, Fire, and a skull.

Some Catholic and Anglican churches open their doors for pet blessings or thanksgivings. While other churches hold special events to coincide with the feast of St Francis of Assisi.

October 31st – The History of Samhain

October 31st to most people is known as Halloween. But long before kids were dressing up as pirates and princesses, Halloween was called Samhain (pronounced “Sow-ween”). Celebrated during the daylight hours of November 1st, it is the Celtic festival honoring the dead and marking the end of summer.

Samhain also marked the end of the summer and the end of the harvest. Crops were burned in sacrifice to honor the Celtic deities. The animals were also brought in from the fields, and many were slaughtered and smoked to feed the tribe throughout the long winter. To honor their animals, Celts dressed up in costumes, wearing animal skins and heads. These traditions were brought to Canada by Scottish and Irish immigrants.

During the early centuries of the first millennium, the Catholic Church dispatched missionaries throughout Europe to convert the Celtic people. Unable to wipe out the strong Celtic traditions, the missionaries “converted” these rituals into sanctioned Catholic activities.

The ancient Celtic people lived 2,000 years ago in what is today Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France. They believed that during Samhain, the veil between this world and the spirit world was at its thinnest. They believed that on that night the spirits of the dead would mingle amongst the living and could harm them or take them back to the underworld. To avoid this, as well as honour their animals’ people began dressing up as ghosts and spirits when they left their homes on October 31. They hoped that this would confuse the ghosts and spirits.

They also believed that the souls of those who had died during the past year traveled on to the spirit world. Bonfires were lit to illuminate the journey to the otherworld and food was put out to feed the spirits before their long trip.

Thus in the 7th century, the Church began celebrating All Saints Day on November 1st, to honor any saints who did not already have a day of their own. A special mass called Allhallowmas was said on All Saints Day for all those who were hallowed. The night before All Saints Day became known as All Hallows Eve.

At the turn of the 11th century, the Church made November 2nd All Souls Day, a day to honor dead ancestors. Like Samhain, All Souls Day was celebrated by building big bonfires and dressing up in costumes. Unlike the Celtic animal costumes, however, the Christians dressed up as saints, angels and devils to invoke the spirits of their ancestors.

Modern day Wiccans and Pagans continue to celebrate elaborate rituals to mark the end of summer and coming of winter

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

Lord

Give us a sense of humor.
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

The irony of life is that,
by the time you’re old enough to know your way around,
You’re not going anywhere.

Submitted by Barbara

One Liners:

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she’ll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she’s making love? “Honey, I’m home!”

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. Submitted by Dolores

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
‘I’m 90 years old,’ he says.

’90!’ replies the woman. ‘Don’t you realize you’ve had it?’

‘Oh, sorry,’ says the old man, ‘how much do I owe you?’
Submitted by Barbara

Christian One Liners

Don’t let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
Submitted by Dolores

The Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best “birth” story
I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall) ‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got

continued The Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom ‘s play-center (placenta), so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. Sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries continued…

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19 I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

STAY AWAY FROM HOSPITALS!!
Submitted by Ted

Sayings from Dolores

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.

Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

‘Quick,’ said the woman to the lover, ‘into the closet!’ and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

‘Who are you?’ he asked him.

‘I’m an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,’ said the exterminator.

‘What are you doing in there?’ the husband asked.

‘I’m investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,’ the man replied.

‘And where are your clothes?’ asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, ‘Those little bastards!’
Submitted by Barbara

C O L OU R IS GOOD

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

My blood pressure was high … My cholesterol was high ….I’d gained some weight, and I didn’t feel so hot.

My doctor said eating right doesn’t have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems.

He said: Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors. Try some greens, Oranges & yellows, reds, maybe something blue, etc.

So I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M & M’s

And sure enough, I felt better immediately.

I never knew eating right could be so easy!!!

Ole Fills In

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. ‘Ole, I am goin’ huntin’ tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.’

‘Yes, sir!’ answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks:
‘So, Ole, How was your day?’

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. ‘The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.’

‘Bravo, Mate, and the second one?’ asks the doctor.

‘The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,’ says Ole..

Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?’ asks the Doctor.

‘Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything and lies down on the table and shouts:

‘ HELP ME – I haven’t seen a man in over two years!!

‘Tunderin’ Lard Ole, what did you do?’ asks the doctor.

‘I put drops in her eyes!!
Submitted by Barbara

Subject: from the cockpit on KULULA.COM- South Africa’s Budget Airline

What a pity kulul a doesn’t fly internationally – we should support them if only for their humour – so typically south african.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

from the cockpit on KULULA.COM- South Africa’s Budget Airline continued…

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

From a Kulula employee: “Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..”

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
“Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, “That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault, it was the asphalt.”

Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:”We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with,
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal..”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement:
“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”

Heard on a Kulula flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”

The Theory of Intelligence

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this

Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . .

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
Submitted by Barbara

A Child’s View of Thunderstorms

A little girl walked to and from school daily.

Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child.

Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child’s school.

As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

More lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, “What are you doing?”

The child answered, “I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.”

May God bless you today and every day as you face the storms that come your way!

Box Donation

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest,
‘I almost had an affair with another woman..’
The priest said, ‘What do you mean, almost?’
The Irishman said, ‘Well, we got undressed and made out a bit but then I stopped.’
The priest said, it’s the same thing. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.’

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, ‘I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!’

The Irishman replied, ‘Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!’ Submitted by Barbara

Ralph and Edna

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?’

Happy Mental Health Day! Submitted by Dolores

Many folks want to serve God, But only as advisers. Submitted by Dolores

Summary of Life

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground…
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional…
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions…
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . ..having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money..
At age 70 success is . .. .having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . … having friends.
At age 80 success is . . ..npiddling in your pants.

Take the time to live!!! Life is too short. Whoo-hoo!

INSPERATIONAL

One Door Closes..Another Opens Revelations 3:8

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He’ll catch you when you fall, or He’ll teach you how to fly! ‘

God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close…

When you reach the end of your rope You will find the hem of his garment..

I would rather live my life as if there is a God, And die to find out there isn’t, than live my life
As if there isn’t, and die to find out there is.

“Lord, I love you and I need you, Come into my heart, and bless me,
my family, my home, my finances, and all of my friends, In Jesus’ name. Amen.
‘To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world’
‘Good friends and family are like stars… You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there. Submitted by Barbara

God Said NO!!

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, no. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No.. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. God said, No. Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn’t granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No. I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain. God said, no. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. God said, No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me. God said… Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

This day is yours don’t throw it away Submitted by Barbara

No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,
WE ARE AWESOME!!! OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF!!!

To those of us born between 1925 – 1970: At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don’t read anything else, please read what he said. Very well stated, Mr. Leno.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and ’70s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

WE ARE AWESOME!!! continued
Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren’t overweight.

WHY? Because we were always outside playing…that’s why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.–And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill; only to find out we forgot the brakes… After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones,
no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and
-Although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas

..No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us continued…

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

If YOU are one of those born between 1925 -1970, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?

The quote of the month by Jay Leno:

“With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”

INFORMATION

Worried your pension will run short? Senior health care solution –

So you’re a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 MP’s and 2 illegal immigrants! Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

New teeth – no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now). And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore.

Is this a great country or what?

Made in Canada? Start looking.

I can verify this because I was in Lowe’s the other day looking at the hose attachments. They were all made in China. The next day I was in Home Hardware and checked them out there. They were made in Canada.

In our current economic situation, every little thing we buy or do affects someone else – even their job. So, after reading this email, I think this lady is on the right track. Let’s get behind her!

She said: My grandson likes Hershey’s candy. I noticed that it is marked made in Mexico. My favorite toothpaste Colgate is now made in Mexico . I have switched to Crest

Made in Canada? continued
This past weekend I was in the light bulb aisle at Wal-mart and right next to the GE brand I buy was an off brand labeled, “Everyday Value.” I picked up both types of bulbs and compared the stats – they were the same except for the price. The GE bulbs were more money than the Everyday Value brand but what surprised me the most was the fact that GE was made in MEXICO and the Everyday Value brand was made in – get ready for this -in Canada in a company in Ontario.

So throw out the myth that you can not find products you use every day that are made right here.

My challenge to you is to start reading the labels when you shop for everyday things and see what you can find that is made in Canada – the job you save may be your own or your neighbour’s!

We can all start buying Canadian, one light bulb at a time! Stop buying from overseas companies!

Let’s get with the program. Help our fellow Canadians keep their jobs and create more jobs here in Canada.

If President Obama insists on a “Made in America” policy, which is commendable of him to support American workers, we should do likewise. BUY CANADIAN! Read the labels. Support Canadian jobs. Submitted by Barbara

Household Hints

Tea Towels Lint away:

If you rinse your tea towels in a weak starch solution after washing them, it will save them covering everything with lint.

Salt in the spout
To clean the spout of a teapot pack it with salt as tightly as possible and leave overnight.

Pots and Pans

Non-stick:
To clean non-stick pans; boil some water with a little bleach and a little vinegar in them, then rinse and wash normally. After using this treatment you will need to grease the pan lightly with cooking oil.

Cast-iron Rust:
Don’t be too zealous in cleaning cast iron pans – they need a thin coating of lard or cooking oil to keep them from rusting. Wipe with kitchen paper before you use it next. Submitted by Dolores

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
Submitted by Ted

Recurring Dreams
by H. V. Louttit

There are those who every now and then,
Have a troublesome dream over again.
In which they agonize beyond belief,
Till they wake up with a sigh of relief.

In one such, you find yourself on the street,
Without a stitch on, from your head to feet
Then realize with the utmost despair,
There’s nothing to cover yourself with there.

A piece of paper would be a relief,
For you could use it as Eve did her leaf,
And can use to hide in, at least part way.

Then you notice the place where you could hide,
Is behind a pole but at the curbside.
Which is the best you can do, though you know,
You’re wider than it, so some part will show.

Then, to make your desperation complete,
The local gossip’s coming down the street.
And you know for sure that if she sees you,
She’ll ruin your good name b before she’s through.

On she comes, while you wait with mounting dread.
Fervently wishing that you could drop dead.
Yet hoping that somehow she will go by,
Without the parts showing catching her eye.

She’s alongside the pole. Will she go past?
While each second seems for hours to last.
But she looks your way, sees you standing there,
And with hysterical screams fills the air.

But then you wake up and find you’re in bed,
And realize that you’ve nothing to dread.
Yet in a cold sweat, with heart beating fast,
But greatly relieved that the dream is past.

By H. V. Louttit
Submitted by Frank

Editor’s Note: Please send submissions, suggestions or complaints to;janetstubbert@hotmail.com
All are welcome. (smile)

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