April 2010 “OLD BONES” News

March 31, 2010

APRIL 2010
To contact the editor “Old Bones News” – janetstubbert@hotmail.com

Birthdays in the month of April
♫ Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you! ♫
Happy Birthday ♫God Loves you, ♫ Happy Birthday to you

 Hester K  Shirley M JenniferKathy

Apr 01 to Apr 10 – Rowan Tree

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) — full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Apr 11 to Apr 20 – Maple Tree

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) — no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers f or new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Apr 21 to Apr 30 – Walnut Tree

Walnut Tree (Passion) — unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
Jealous and passionate, no compromise

Spring Celebrations around the World:

In ancient Rome, the followers of Cybele believed that their goddess had a consort who was born via a virgin birth. His name was Attis, and he died and was resurrected each year during the time of the vernal equinox on the Julian calendar (between March 22 and March 25). Around the same time, the Germanic tribes honored a lunar goddess known as Ostara, who mated with a fertility god around this time of year, and then gave birth nine months later – at Yule.

In Central American for ten centuries the indigenous Mayan people have celebrated a spring equinox festival. As the sun sets on the day of the equinox on the western face of the great ceremonial pyramid, El Castillo, in Mexico, it is bathed in the late afternoon sunlight. The lengthening shadows giving the illusion of a diamond-backed snake in descent appear to run from the top of the pyramid’s northern staircase to the bottom. Since ancient times this has been called “The Return of the Sun Serpent”.

Eostre, according to the Venerable Bede, was the Saxon version of the Germanic goddess Ostara. A feast day celebrating her was held on the full moon following the vernal equinox -almost the identical calculation as the one for the Christian Easter in the west. It is said, Eostre found a wounded bird on the ground late in winter. To save its life, she transformed it into a hare. But the transformation was not a complete one. The bird took the appearance of a hare but retained the ability to lay eggs…the hare would decorate these eggs and leave them as gifts to Eostre.”

Today we celebrate the balance of light and dark as the sun begins to tip the scales, and the return of new growth. It is a good time to start your seedlings. If you grow an herb garden, start getting the soil ready for late spring plantings. .

Take some time to celebrate the new life that surrounds you in nature — walk in the park, lie in the grass, hike through a forest. As you do so, observe all the new things beginning around you — plants, flowers, insects, birds. Meditate on the beauty of nature and celebrate the change of seasons.

H
OUSEHOLD TIP:

Don’t know if anyone knew but a roll up blind can be painted. I did mine twice. It had been one side pink, the other side white. I moved and it no longer matched so I painted the pink side white. I used it for a few years and the white on both sides yellowed and I was about to buy a new one. The window is large and that would have cost quite a bit so I decided to paint it. What did I have to loose except a little bit of left over green paint. It worked and is much nicer than the original blind. It is now very light green on one side that matches the ceiling and darker green on the other that matches the walls.

I thought this year I was going to have to buy another blind because the cats pushed their way behind the blind to see out the window and it had split in a few places but I saved the day again by cutting the blind horizontally just above the last split and it looks great.

Hope I have been able to wake up the decorative side of you also and if not at least I hope I can save you some money.
Submitted by Dolores

WISE WORDS

Every baby is proof that God has not yet given up on man
The only way to multiply happiness is to divide it
Even a turtle gets no where until it sticks its neck out
Submitted by Jeannette

From birth to age 18 a girl needs good parents
From age 18 to age 35 a girl needs good luck
From age 35 to age 55 a girl needs good personality
From age 55 on a girl needs good cash
Quote by Sophie Tucker/ Submitted by Angela

Yesterday is history – Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present!
I think this is special…live and savor every moment… This is not a dress rehearsal!
Submitted by Barbara

Some people come into our lives and quickly go…
Some people become friends and stay awhile… leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts…
And we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend!!
Submitted by Barbara

QUOTES:

“An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger than the brain cell it occupied” Arnold H. Glasow

“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.” Mark Twain

Dear all

Never take someone for Granted, hold every person close to your heart, because you might wake up one day and realize that you’ve lost a Diamond while you were too busy collecting stones.

One Liner

The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. (Gnats too.)

A lot of church members singing ‘Standing on the Promises’ are just sitting on the premises.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.
When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there. Submitted by Dolores

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

The first Sunday of every May is World Laughter Day, an event started by the Laughter Yoga movement. Montreal events are being planned. Check www.laughteryoga.org/

“Laughter is a form of internal jogging. It moves your internal organs around. …It is an igniter of great expectations.”

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Victor Borge

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. Mark Twain

Give me a sense of humor. Lord, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life.

The Piper
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together.

When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

What is celibacy? Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Brian and his wife, Connie, listened to the instructor declare,
‘It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.’
He then addressed the men, ‘Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?’

BRIAN leaned over, touched Connie’s arm gently, and whispered, ‘Robin Hood All-Purpose’, isn’t it?

And thus began Brian’s life of celibacy. Contributed by Ted

To save the economy in 2010, the Canadian government will start deporting all of the weird old people in order to lower Old Age Pension and Medical costs.
I started crying – when I thought of you. Submitted by Barbara

To A Beautiful Woman

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles please no bags and please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots please no gray and as for my belly, please take it away.
Please keep me healthy Please keep me young!! And thank you Dear Lord For all that you’ve done.

Submitted by Barbara

Be careful of what you say

Do you believe in life after death? “The boss asked one of his employees.
“Yes, Sir.” the new recruit replied.
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on.
“After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” js

Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying,’

“You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.’

Fr Karl nods, and the old priest continues,
‘And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n’ roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.’

‘Thank you, Fr Brian,’ answers the young priest. ‘I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.’
‘All of these ideas have been well and good,’ comments Fr Brian wisely. But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.’

‘But, Fr Brian,’ protests the young Fr Karl, ‘My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!’
‘Indeed,’ replies the elderly priest, ‘And I appreciate that.
But the flashing neon sign, “Toot’n Tell or Go to Hell” cannot stay on the church roof.’
Barbara Walters, of US televisions 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned again to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms Walters’ vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms Walters approached one of the Afghan women and asked, “Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?”

The woman looked Ms Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation said, “Land Mines.”

Moral of the story is (no matter what language you speak and where you go):

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE’S A SMART WOMAN
Forwarded in the name of patriotism

We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.

SO this Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all Canadian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Canadian women.
And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti terrorist sentiment.

The Canadian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God bless the Beaver and GOD BLESS CANADIAN WOMEN! It is your patriotic duty to pass this on

Submitted by Barbara

Five tips for a woman….

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on! And doesn’t lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don’t know each other. Submitted by Barbara

There just may be justice

While trying to escape through Pakistan Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said,

“Master, may I grant you one wish?”

Osama responded,”
You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything.”

The shocked genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said,

“Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.”
The annoyed genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi at his side. His private part was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
God is good. Submitted by Ted

Why we love children

School: A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

Elderly: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

Opinions: On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.’

Nudity: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

Ketchup: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone…
‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now she’s hitting the bottle.

Nudity again: A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

Police: It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.

‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
‘What’d he do?

Observations on Growing Older

~When people say you look “Great”…they add “for your age!”

~Your kids are becoming you…and you don’t like them. But your grandchildren are perfect!

~You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…. especially golf.

~Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember.

~Going out is good. Coming home is better!

The Indian and the Buffalo

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter: Ll ll ‘Want coffee.’

The waiter says, ‘Sure, Chief. Coming right up.’

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter.

Ll ‘Want coffee.’

The waiter says ‘Whoa, Tonto! Ll We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?’

The Indian smiles and proudly says, Ll ‘Training for position in Canadian Government. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
Submitted by Barbara

The official Canadian temperature conversion chart

50 Fahrenheit (10 C) Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.

35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C) Italian Cars won’t start Canadians drive with the windows down

32 Fahrenheit (0 C) American water freezes Canadian water gets thicker.

0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C) N. Y. City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Cdn Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-109.9 Fahrenheit (-78.5 C) Carbon dioxide freezes makes dry ice. Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C) Ethyl alcohol freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg

-459.67 Fahrenheit (-273.15 C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying “cold, eh?”

-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C) Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup Submitted by Ted
QUOTES

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

RETIREMENT

If you are planning retirement, let me share retirement experiences with you, which I hope will be helpful.
Fifteen years ago my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida’s Southeast coast – The Delray/Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-A-Hatchee. There are 3000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem. Your days will be eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of your car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where you parked takes 20 minutes. It takes 1/2 hour on the check-out line in and one hour to return the item the next day.

Let me take you through a typical day. We get up at 5:00 AM, have a quick breakfast and join the early morning ‘Walk and Talk Club.’ There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine we walk around the streets, all talking at once… Every development has some late risers who stay in bed until 6 AM. After a nimble walk avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilate’s class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my, ‘Ask me about my Grandchildren’ T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap.

Before you know it, it’s time for lunch. We go to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hairnets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we don’t have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.
We’re usually back home by 2 PM to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird about 3 PM, but we get there by 3:45 PM, because we’re late eaters. The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. You can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Sweet-and-Low along with mints.

Doctor related activities eat up most of your retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don’t mind. Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least half an hour just getting through the doctor’s phone menu. Then there’s the hold time until you’re connected to the right party. Sometimes they forget you’re holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

Should you find you still have time on your hands, volunteering provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate. Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet tall and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for ‘The Vertically Challenged over 80.’ I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic Avengers. The hoop is only 4 1/2 feet from the floor. You should see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.

Food shopping is a problem for short seniors or ‘bottom feeders’ as we call them, because they can’t reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they’ve never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can’t remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it’s important to choose a development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world traveler, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live? Murray’s Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There’s no difference. They’re both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

We hope this material has been of help to any future retirees.
Submitted by Ted

Quotes from Bob Hope, who DID make a difference

Thanks for the memories. I hope this will put a smile on your face and in your heart.

On turning 70 ‘You still chase women, but only downhill’.

On turning 80 ‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

On turning 90 ‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

On turning 100 ‘I don’t feel old. In fact I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

On giving up his early career, boxing: ‘ I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

On never winning an Oscar: ‘Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.’

On golf: ‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

On presidents: ‘ I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.’

On why he chose showbiz for his career:
‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'”

On receiving the congressional gold medal:
‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

On his family’s early poverty:
‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

On his six brothers: ‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’

On early failures I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me

On going to heaven: ‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality’
Submitted by Barbara

Looks of Disappointment

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,

‘You’re beautiful,’ then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said,

‘You’re cute.’ The wife was disappointed because instead of ‘beautiful,’ it was now ‘cute.’

She asked, ‘What happened to beautiful?’
The man replied, ‘The drugs are wearing off.’ Submitted by Barbara

Questions I asked my doctor

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that it…don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! ‘Round’ a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Bordeaux or Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”
AND for those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION:: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Submitted by Ted

Observations on Growing Older

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch…

~When you needed the discount you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything movies, hotels, flights

~You forget names but it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to loss is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It’s called his
“pre-sleep”..

SPIRITUAL

Dear Ann,

I ran across a little essay that had a profound effect on me. It appeared in a book by Merle Shain.

Dear Mr. J: What a little jewel. Thank you so much. The moral of the story is not only beautiful but practical. Here it is:

“And the Lord said to the rabbi, Come I will show you hell.
‘They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone was famished and desperate. Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so long that it could not be used to reach each person’s mouth… The suffering was terrible.

“’Come, now I will show you heaven, ‘the Lord said after a while.

They entered another room, identical to the first – the pot of stew, the group of people, and the same long spoons. But there everyone was happy and nourished.

“’I don’t understand, “said the rabbi. “Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything was the same?”

The Lord smiled, “Ah, but don’t you see? ‘ He said, ‘Here they have learned to feed each other.’”
Submitted by Frank

Lord help me to cultivate…

The habit of happiness
Believe that I am good
Appreciate the wonder of life
Nurture my emotional and spiritual growth
Say good bye to the past
Give myself credit for what I have to offer
Make enthusiasm a daily exercise
Let love change the course of my world.

Submitted by Angela

Two Traveling Angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family.

The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied,
“Things aren’t always what they seem”

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.
After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night’s rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel how could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him, she accused. The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die… “Things aren’t always what they seem,” the older angel replied.

“When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall.
Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it.”

“Then last night as we slept in the farmer’s bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem.”

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later… Things aren’t always what they seem.” Submitted by Barbara

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God. – Difficult moments, seek God..
Quiet moments, worship God.-Painful moments, trust God. – Every moment, thank God.

A true Aussie love story…

About eight years ago a wild Australian Sulphur Crested Cockatoo flew into a car and broke its wing. The motorist took it to the Vet in Nerang , Queensland , who had to amputate the wing.

We adopted her – for which we needed a National Parks and Wildlife permit – and kept her in a cage outside where she was often visited by wild Cockatoos. One of the things that impressed us was how she would push lettuce leaves through the bars of the cage, offering food to visitors. Last Sunday she again had a visitor. As usual he spent a lot of time sitting on the cage with a tamper proof latch. There was a lot of talking and grooming. A bloke has to look presentable when courting a bird!

Things got interesting when he approached the front door. . The clever fellow figured out how to undo the tamper proof latch! He opened the door for a lot of mutual grooming and food sharing… Oooh that’s nice! Scratch a bit more on that side, dear…

He was not shy to get into the cage and would go in and out a number of times. They mated! We are looking forward to beautiful baby cockatoos. Later on, the whole extended family came visiting but the special mate was back every day so far. We leave the door open during the day but if we forget, it doesn’t matter – cockatoos have intelligence that rival primates. Because she has only one wing, she stays inside or just sits on top. Guess what happened next…

The Babies: At first it seemed as though he was annoyed because she did not fly off with him and he could squawk a lot. He soon came to understand that she could not fly so he just stayed. However, she was no longer returning to her cage. The two of them would stay in the trees in our garden and because the yard is well fenced, they were safe from dogs but the neighbour’s cat is not kept indoors at night and we often have to chase it away. Chances are the cat would come off second best in a confrontation with a Cockatoo but at night cats remain a danger because they could stalk a sleeping bird on the ground.

Cockatoos make their nests in hollow logs but we noticed the male hard at work digging a hole under a clump of Lilly Pilly trees. We put down a hollow log for them but they just ignored us. The nest he dug was a hole with a short tunnel leading off to where she laid her eggs. Once there were eggs in the nest, the male became extremely aggressive. You better not get near the nest or he will take chunks of flesh from your foot. It was difficult to take pictures because I literally had to steal them while running away from the male.

We kept a vigil to see how things were progressing. They took turns incubating the eggs and covering the tunnel. After about three weeks, the eggs hatched.

Whenever Mum & Dad Cockatoo leave the nest, we try to get a look but you have to do it while running because Dad Cockatoo is chasing you! Second lap running around the Lilly Pilly trees!

Well, I hope his mother thinks he is pretty and eventually I might think so too but at the moment, both of them just look like pink balls with a bit of yellow fluff.

How’s that for a true Aussie Love Story???? Definitely has the aaawwwww factor!

Submitted by Barbara

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born
A Death Certificate shows that we died – Pictures show that we lived!

I Believe…

That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.
And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe…That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe…. That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe… That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe… That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe….That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe…That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe…. That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe….That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe…That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe…That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe….That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe….That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe…That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, But that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe….That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I BelieveThat it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe…That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe….That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe…”That respect is something earned …not demanded.

I Believe…That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I Believe….Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe….That your life can be changed in a matter of m hours by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe…That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you – you will find the strength to help.

I Believe…That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe…That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe… ‘The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything they have.

EYE TEST

Count every ‘ F ‘ in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS…

How many? Wrong, there are six. Read it again!
Really, go back and try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll down.

The reasoning is: The brain cannot process ‘OF’. Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 ‘F’s’ on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Submitted by Barbara

.BRAIN STUFF . . . from Cambridge University

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the only iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Submitted by Barbara

QUOTES:
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty? – Cicero
“We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace” Peggy Tabor Millin

HISTORY
Alan Hustak, The Gazette 70 years ago, Palace fire left 78 children dead.

A Hispanic Bethel Evangelical Temple occupies the site at 3215 Ste. Catherine Se., E but a commemorative plaque recalls the horror that occurred there 70 years ago. “Here.” It reads in French, “78 children perished in the Laurier Palace fire, January 9, 1927.”

Back then people went to what were called moving picture shows, and that Sunday afternoon 900 children packed the 786 seat theatre for a matinee screening of Get “Em Young, starring Canada’s sweetheart, Mary Pickford.

Ten minutes into the feature, smoke appeared. “It’s nothing. Stay in your seats and watch the show. Everything is under control.” Cried an usher, who opened a trapdoor in the balcony to pull out a fire extinguisher.

When he opened the door, flames burst through and the children in the balcony of the overcrowded theatre panicked. The only way to get out was a narrow staircase, 5 feet wide, on either side of the balcony.
In the mad rush, seven children stumbled into a dark corner on one of the landings and created a bottleneck. The stampede continued: children scrambled over one another.
No one burned to death but the children between the age of 4 and 16 were piled up eight deep on that landing and were asphyxiated or crushed.

There were heroic incidents and heartbreaking stories. The projectionist, Emile Massicotte, risked his life in leading 30 children to safety through a window and over the marquee. Police Constable Albert Boiseau worked frantically to save lives only to discover afterward that his own three children, Germaine, Yvette and Rolland had died in the blaze.

Thirty-five of the victims are buried together in Section B of Notre Dame des Neiges Cemetery.

The fire became a political football many in the city were determined to find scapegoats for the calamity. One writer went so far as to blame “the immortal influence of the English language cinema dominated by Judeo American studies.”

A government inquiry eventually absolved everyone and ruled that the deaths were the result of a panic occasioned by a fire resulting from the negligence of a person unknown. “There is no criminal or civil responsibility on the part of anyone whatsoever,” the inquiry report said.

As a result of the fire, Quebec passed a law that prohibited children 16 years and under from going to the movies. The law was not rescinded until 1967.

Three people in Montreal still receive compensation for the injuries they suffered in the fire. In 1927, the city awarded Leo Gadoury, Fernand Cormier and Simone Levac $120 a year for the rest of their lives.

They are all in their 80’s now and on the first of every month they receive a $10.00 cheque from the city of Montreal.

The Laurier Palace fire was not the worst theatre blaze on the continent. On Dec 30, 1903, 575 people died in a fire at the Iroquois Theatre in Chicago. Submitted by Frank

FROM NEWSPAPERS / INTERNET

Brian Williams (USA)

Leaving behind a thank-you note Posted: February 26, by Daily Nightly Editor

After tonight’s broadcast and after looting our hotel mini-bars, we’re going to try to brave the blizzard and fly east to home and hearth, and to do laundry well into next week. Before we leave this thoroughly polite country, the polite thing to do is leave behind a thank-you note.

Thank you, Canada: For being such good hosts. For your unfailing courtesy. For your (mostly) beautiful weather.

For scheduling no more than 60 percent of your float plane departures at the exact moment when I was trying to say something on television.
For not seeming to mind the occasional (or constant) good-natured mimicry of your accents.
For your unique TV commercials — for companies like Tim Horton’s — which made us laugh and cry.
For securing this massive event without choking security, and without publicly displaying a single automatic weapon.
Thank you For having the best garment design and logo-wear of the games — you’ve made wearing your name a cool thing to do. For the sportsmanship we saw most of your athletes display.
For not honking your horns. I didn’t hear one car horn in 15 days — which also means none of my fellow New Yorkers rented cars while visiting.
For making us aware of how many of you have been watching NBC all these years.
For having the good taste to have an anchorman named Brian Williams on your CTV network, who turns out to be such a nice guy.
For the body scans at the airport which make pat-downs and cavity searches unnecessary.

For designing those really cool LED Olympic rings in the harbor, which turned to gold when your athletes won one.
For always saying nice things about the United States…when you know we’re listening.
For sharing Joannie Rochette with us. For reminding some of us we used to be a more civil society.
Mostly, for welcoming the world with such ease and making lasting friends with all of us.

Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor http://dailynightly.msnbc.msn.com/

Rick Mercer’s editorial – Globe and Mail Published on Tuesday, Jan. 05, 2010

There’s a very good reason why the word prorogue doesn’t come up that often in our society. Why would it? The word has absolutely no resonance with anyone in Canada because the notion that you can shut down anything for months at a time is a total fantasy. That’s the thing about life; it’s relentless. If you are an adult and live in the real world, proroguing isn’t on the agenda, in much the same way levitating isn’t.

God knows I love the idea of proroguing. Everyone in Canada has lain in bed and prayed for the elusive snow day. The idea that while you slept, the heavens opened up and dumped so much snow on the ground that the front door can’t open and the school bus just can’t come. We all remember snow days and that glorious feeling that the deadlines, the tests, the irritating people, the routine and the responsibilities could be avoided for one entire magnificent day with no consequences whatsoever. And if you didn’t do your homework, or you were heading into what you knew was going to be a world of hurt, a snow day meant you dodged the bullet.
But snow days happen to children. If you are an adult, it doesn’t matter how much snow falls – you still have to get to work and you still have to shovel the walk. Snow days don’t apply to adults unless you happen to be the Prime Minister of Canada, who with one phone call has the ability to give every member of Parliament two months off
.
We elect these men and women to travel to Ottawa and represent us in the House of Commons. Well, forget that notion – it’s old-fashioned and democratic. Welcome to Canada 2010 – we embark on a brand-new decade as a country that has taxation without representation…

It is ironic that while Parliament has been suspended, we remain a nation at war. On New Year’s Eve, we greeted the news that five Canadians were killed in a single day with sadness but not surprise. We are at war because, ostensibly, we are helping bring democracy to Afghanistan. How the mission is progressing is open for debate but this much is certain – at present, there is a parliament in Afghanistan that it is very much open for business. Canada has no such institution.

In Afghanistan, President Hamid Karzai’s government faces fierce opposition at every turn. Many of his cabinet choices have been rejected in a secret ballot by the more than 200 parliamentarians who sit in the legislature. Simply closing it down and operating without their consent is not an option; to do so would be blatantly undemocratic or at the very least downright Canadian. If Mr. Karzai suspended the legislature on a whim, we might be forced to ask the question why Canadians are dying to bring democracy to that country.

Stephen Harper doesn’t have that problem. Our Parliament has been suspended for no other reason than the Prime Minister simply can’t be bothered with the relentless checks and balances that democracy affords us. He doesn’t want to have to stand in the House of Commons and hear anyone question him on any subject. I don’t blame him. Parliament is filled with jackals, opportunists and boors. The problem is, like it or not, they were elected.

I also don’t blame the Prime Minister for wanting to keep his ministers out of the spotlight. This is a man who could argue that he is Canada’s greenest PM simply because he’s the only one who has gone out of his way to give potted plants key portfolios.
The problem is, he is the one who appointed cabinet and like it or not, they are supposed to be accountable. A minister’s job is not to hide in his or her riding; it is to be accountable in Ottawa – or at least that was the promise.

This Prime Minister has gone from the promise of an open, accessible and accountable government to a government that is simply closed. It is too bad that prorogation isn’t something that our soldiers had in their arsenal. When faced with the order to head out on a foot patrol in the Panjwai district of southern Afghanistan, to risk their lives to bring democracy to that place, wouldn’t it be nice if they could simply prorogue and roll over and go back to sleep? Soldiers don’t get that luxury. That is afforded only to the people who ultimately order them to walk down those dangerous dusty roads in the first place.

Did you know that the ACLU has filed a suit to have all military cross-shaped headstones removed and another suit to end prayer from the military completely? They’re making great progress. The Navy Chaplains can no longer mention Jesus’ name in prayer thanks to the wretched ACLU.

Prayer for our Military: ‘Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands Protect them as they protect us bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen.’
Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm’s way, prayer is the very best one. Submitted by Barbara

HEALTH
Consume Blueberries to Keep Your Mind Sharp!

Blueberries are packed with antioxidants and have long been recommended as a good-for-you food. Now there’s evidence that this delicious fruit can also help you stay sharp longer.

Researchers from the University of Cincinnati, the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and the Canadian Department of Agriculture recently published a study showing improved memory in people who drank blueberry juice every day for two months.

Control subjects drank a beverage without blueberry juice. The blueberry juice group showed improvements in tests of learning and memory, while no such benefits were seen in the control group.
Eating blueberries or drinking blueberry juice is an easy – and tasty – way to stay sharp! Lumosity.com

Easter

According to the Venerable Bede, an Anglo-Saxon cleric and historian of late 7th-century/early 8th-century England, Easter gets its name from Eostre or Eastre, a Teutonic goddess of the dawn whose annual festival took place on the vernal equinox, the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere. While some scholars dispute this theory, it appears that “Easter” comes from the same root as the English word “east,” the direction of the rising sun. Similarly, the German designation for Easter is Ostern.

In many other languages however, the name for the festival of Christ’s resurrection comes from Pascha, the Greek/Latin transliteration of the Hebrew word Pesach (Passover). Examples of this derivation can be seen in the Spanish Pascua, Italian Pasqua, French Pâques, Dutch Paschen, Russian Pashka, Norwegian Påske, Finnish Pääsiäinen, and Turkish Paskalya.

Easter is not a single day. It begins on Easter Sunday and continues for seven weeks. Ascension Day — the 40th of the Great Fifty Days is frequently commemorated with a special evening worship service since it always falls on a Thursday.

The foundation of the Christian faith is the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. ensuring that those who have been baptized will rise again on the Last Day.

On Easter Sunday the Christian church celebrates God’s great triumph over sin, death, and the devil with the ancient greeting: Alleluia!

‘Till we meet again… Janet

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