May 2010 “OLD BONES” News

May 2, 2010

MAY 2010

Happy Birthday to one and all born in the month of May!

WHAT TREE IS YOURS?
This is in line with Celtic astrology and I believe it is somewhat accurate. Check it out and let me know if you agree or disagree.

May 01 to May 14 – Poplar Tree
Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) — looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

May 15 to May 24 – Chestnut Tree
Chestnut Tree (Honesty) — of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

May 25 to Jun 03 – Ash Tree
Ash Tree (Ambition) — extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Birthdays in the month of Mary

♫ Happy Birthday, ♫ God Bless you, ♫ Happy Birthday to you! ♫
♫ Ivylin  Therese  Ted  and Me ♫

Great Quotes

An honest man speaks truth although it may give a vain man offence William Haslett

The surest path to success is where others walk with you…. Author unknown

Beholding the bright countenance of truth in the quiet still air of delightful studies in search of the truth… (On McGill library building) Author unknown

TIP: To help change your mood from sad to glad, try this. Close your eyes and just smile for five minutes. If that doesn’t help you can always read the following segment, ‘Laughter is the Best Medicine’. Enjoy!

Laughter is the Best Medicine!

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,
‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’
Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’
Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’ Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was a Catholic?’
Submitted by Barbara
Computer trouble!

I was having trouble with my computer… So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over..
David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong?’
He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’
David grinned. ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?’
‘No,’ I replied.
‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like the little s…

Donation

Father O’Malley answers the phone.. ‘Hello, is this Father O’Malley?’
‘It is!’

‘This is the IRS. Can you help us?’
‘I can!’

‘Do you know a Ted Houlihan?’
‘I do!’

‘Is he a member of your congregation?’
‘He is!’

‘Did he donate $10,000 to the church?’
‘He will.’ Submitted by Barbara
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”
Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”
The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce Court Judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week,”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said. “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”
A doctor examining a woman, who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband.” But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
Submitted by Barbara

Subject: Sermon Recap

For those of you who missed church on Sunday, here is a recap: Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol- Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the minister asked the congregation, ‘What did you learn from this demonstration???’
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
‘As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!’

That pretty much ended the service. Submitted by Ted

Roast Beef by Gracie Allen–…my kind of recipe

I’m sending this to people who know who Gracie Allen
was and who can appreciate a good recipe.
For those of you too young to remember her, she was one of the best actresses of her time.
She and her husband, George Burns, were the best husband/wife act of ALL time.
Gracie Allen’s Classic Recipe for Roast Beef

1 large Roast of beef
1 small Roast of beef
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.

When the little one burns, the big one is done.

Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, ‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.’
The priest said, ‘Confess your sins and be forgiven.’
The young woman said, ‘Last night my boyfriend and I were madly intimate seven times.’
The priest thought long and hard and then said, ‘Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.’
The young woman asked, ‘Will this cleanse me of my sins?’
The priest said, ‘No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.’

Senility

An elderly man went to his doctor and said, ‘Doc, I think I’m getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.’

‘That’s not senility,’ replied the doctor. ‘Senility is when you forget to zip down.’
Submitted by Barbara

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

‘I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes.’ Submitted by Ted

QUOTES

Until you discover who you are…you will never be who you want to be!

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T.S.Eliot.

If you always do…what you’ve always done…you’ll always get…what you’ve already got!
Submitted by Ted
For those of you who have pets

This is a true story. For those that don’t, it is a true story. The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don’t believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) Eat less,
(2) Don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) Normally come when called,
(5) Never ask to drive the car,
(6) Don’t hang out with drug-using people;
(7) Don’t smoke or drink,
(8) Don’t want to wear your clothes,
(9) Don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children Submitted by Ted
How to be gracious

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement — not even her parent’s nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father’s new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ‘Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,’ she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ‘Never mind sweetheart. I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day.’ A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother,

‘Aren’t you going to return the other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear it.’

Her mother just smiled and replied, ‘Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.’

Now I ask you – is there a woman out there, anywhere, who did not enjoy this story?

Life in Canada – As seen from the outside world

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada hosted the 2010 Winter Olympics. These are some questions people from all over the world were asking.
Believe it or not, these are actual questions about Canada that were posted on an International Tourism Website. Answers are from an anonymous Canadian. (Submitted by Tammie O’Rielly, Shaumbra in Kelowna, Canada )

Question: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
Answer: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto – can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only 4,000 miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: No, but you’d better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippopotamus racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: AFRICA is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. CANADA is that big country to your North…oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: AUSTRIA is that quaint little country bordering GERMANY, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It’s called a MOOSE. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Submitted by Ted

Cases that make you scratch your head

Stella Awards
For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald’s in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee… You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That’ s right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for the past year:

SEVENTH PLACE
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son. Start scratching!

SIXTH PLACE
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, Ca won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.
Scratch some more….

FIFTH PLACE
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count ’em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more…

Double hand scratching after this one…

FOURTH PLACE
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard.. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you’re getting a bald spot..

THIRD PLACE
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tail bone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching….

SECOND PLACE
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000…..oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

Ok. Here we go!!

FIRST PLACE
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down? $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.

Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid … or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?
Submitted by Barbara

PROOFREADING IS A DYING ART, WOULDN’T YOU SAY?

Man Kills Self before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (Really? Ya think? )

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers ( Now that’s taking things a bit far! )

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (What a guy!)

Miners Refuse to Work after Death ( No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s! )

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant (See if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace ( I can see where it might have that effect! )

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile ( Is’ at da news of da day?! )

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures (Who would have thought! )

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide (They may be on to something!)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges (You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?)

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge (He probably IS the battery charge!)

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (Weren’t they fat enough?!)

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft (That’s what he gets for eating those beans!)
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Boy, are they tall!)

And the winner is….. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (Did I read that right?)

We all need a good laugh, at least once a day this was my contribution to your well being today!

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men…..
They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..
They stand up to injustice.
They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideas. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Medical Information

General Washington’s Cold Cure:
The Baltimore American informs us that General George Washington gave the following recipe for a cold to an old lady now living in Newport when she was a very young girl (1781). He was lodging in her father’s house, the old Vermont mansion. As she was being sent to bed early with a very bad cold he remarked to Mrs. Vernon, the mother of this lady: My own remedy, my dear Madam, is always eat, just before I step into bed, a hot roasted onion, if I have a cold.
Dr. Chase’s Recipes, 1892 Edition.

How Your Spouse Affects Your Mortality

A new study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health shows that the education and income level of your spouse are very important indicators of your mortality, independent of your own education and income level.

The study found that men married to well-educated women had longer lifespans, all else equal. The researchers suggest that the cause of this might be related to the sharing of information that occurs in close relationships. Well-educated people tend to be better able to take advantage of knowledge about healthy behaviors.

And the critical indicator for a wife’s longevity? Her husband’s income level or social class.

So if you want to live longer, marry a smart woman or a wealthy man!

HELPFUL TIPS

Clothes Dryer

When my heating unit went out on our dryer, the Fix-It guy that I called went into the dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It appeared to be clean. We always clean the lint from the filter after every load of clothes. He told us that he wanted to show us something. He took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it.

Now, this thing is like a mesh- WELL.. The hot water just lay on top of the mesh!!! It didn’t go through it at all! He told us that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh and that’s what burns out the heating unit. You can’t SEE the film, but it’s there.

He said the best way to keep your clothes dryer working! For a very long time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months. He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long!

Learn something new everyday! I sure didn’t know dryer sheets would do that. So, thought I’d share!

Note: I went to dryer and tested my screen by running water on it.
The water collected a little but then slowly ran through the screen. I dried it off and was about to put it back in, since the water had run through, when I decided … what the heck it won’t hurt to wash it while I had it out.

Warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. I then ran the water over the screen and what a difference the water just gushed through it with no pudling at all and this time I was running the water at a faster rate. That repairman knew what he was talking about.

God doesn’t give you the people you want; He gives you the people you need to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.
I LOVE YOU!!!!!

!nspirational

One day a mother died

And on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of her bedroom, the daughter was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any more. No more hugs, no more lucky moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more ‘just one minute’

Sometimes, what we care about the most goes away never to return before we can say good-bye, say ‘I Love You.’ So while we have it. . It’s best we love it. . And care for it and fix it when it’s broken and take good care of it when it’s sick.

This is true for marriage…. and friendships… And children with bad report cards; And dogs with bad hips; And aging parents and grandparents We keep them because they are worth it, because we cherish them!
Some things we keep — like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with.
There are just some things that make us happy, No matter what… Life is important, and so are the people we know and so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone today who thought I was a ‘KEEPER’! I’m sharing it with you because I think of in the same way! Thank you very much for being a special part of MY Life!
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Submitted by Barbara

I would never trade my amazing friends

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend… I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore… I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
Submitted by Barbara

JASMINE THE GREYHOUND

Such a lesson for us humans if we could be more like them! You may need the kleenex box!

In 2003, police in Warwickshire , England , opened a garden shed and found a whimpering, cowering dog.. It had been locked in the shed and abandoned. It was dirty and malnourished, and had clearly been abused.

In an act of kindness, the police took the dog, which was a Greyhound female, to the nearby Nuneaton Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary, run by a man named Geoff Grewcock and known as a willing haven for Animals abandoned, orphaned or otherwise in need. Www.warwickshirewildlifesanctuary.co.uk/index.htm

Geoff and the other sanctuary staff went to work with two aims to restore the dog to full health, and to win her trust. It took several weeks, but eventually both goals were achieved.

They named her Jasmine, and they started to think about finding her an adoptive home.

But Jasmine had other ideas. No-one remembers now how it began, but she started welcoming all Animal arrivals at the sanctuary. It wouldn’t matter if it was a puppy, a fox cub, a rabbit or, any other lost or hurting Animal, Jasmine would peer into the box or cage and, where possible, deliver a welcoming lick.

Geoff relates one of the early incidents. “We had two puppies that had been abandoned by a nearby railway line. One was a Lakeland Terrier cross and another was a Jack Russell Doberman cross. They were tiny when they arrived at the centre and Jasmine approached them and grabbed one by the scruff of the neck in her mouth and put him on the settee. Then she fetched the other one and sat down with them, cuddling them.”

“But she is like that with all of our animals, even the rabbits. She takes all the stress out of them and it helps them to not only feel close to her but to settle into their new surroundings.

“She has done the same with the fox and badger cubs; she licks the rabbits and guinea pigs and even lets the birds perch on the bridge of her nose.”

Jasmine, the timid, abused, deserted waif, became the animal sanctuary’s resident surrogate mother, a role for which she might have been born. The list of orphaned and abandoned youngsters she has cared for comprises five fox cubs, four badger cubs, 15 chicks, eight guinea pigs, two stray puppies and 15 rabbits.

And one roe deer fawn. Tiny Bramble, 11 weeks old, was found semi-conscious in a field. Upon arrival at the sanctuary, Jasmine cuddled up to her to keep her warm, and then went into the full foster mum role. Jasmine the greyhound showers Bramble the Roe deer with affection and makes sure nothing is matted.

“They are inseparable,” says Geoff “Bramble walks between her legs and they keep kissing each other. They walk together round the sanctuary.

It’s a real treat to see them.”

Jasmine will continue to care for Bramble until she is old enough to be returned to woodland life. When that happens, Jasmine will not be lonely. She will be too busy showering love and affection on the next Orphan or victim of abuse.

A Hug Certificate for You!

If I could catch a rainbow I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty on the days you’re feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain you could call your very own;
A place to find serenity, a place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I’m finding Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best, A friend who’s always there..

This is a Hug Certificate!!
Life is a coin, you can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.

Getting enough good sleep is critical for brain health. Sleep deprivation leads to slower reactions, muddled thinking, and poor memory. For some of us, however, it’s tough to fall asleep and even harder to stay asleep.

Researchers studying cognitive-behavioral psychology have some tips for getting better sleep. One of the most powerful tips is also one of the least intuitive – psychologists recommend getting out of bed when you’re having trouble sleeping. It seems that spending a lot of time in bed not sleeping programs the brain to associate bed with wakefulness. So, instead of tossing and turning for hours, get up, go into another room, and do something relaxing, such as reading a fun book. When you’re feeling sleepy again, head back to bed. This counterintuitive tip typically leads to more good quality sleep, and your partner may thank you!
Get a healthier brain with more sleep and brain training on Lumosity (Lumosity web site)
QUOTES:
I write down everything I want to remember. So, instead of spending time trying to remember what it was I wrote down, I spend time looking for the paper I wrote it on…Anonymous
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West
“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Hamlet, I, iii, William Shakespeare
When making your choice in life, do not neglect to live. – Samuel Johnson
Submitted by Ted
ONE LINERS
Peace starts with a smile.
Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
God Himself doesn’t propose to judge a man until he is dead.. So why should you?
I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

EDITOR’S NOTE:

If you would like to contribute to this Newsletter please contact the editor: janetstubbert@hotmail.com

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