September 2009 “OLD BONES” News

November 14, 2009

“OLD BONES” NEWSLETTER
JANET, Editor “Old Bones News” – janetstubbert@hotmail.com

Health And Welfare
We are all grateful and in high spirits that Elizabeth is at home recuperating from major surgery.
To celebrate our first day in the new Centre she sent us a huge, delicious home made marble cake that we all enjoyed with great gusto, especially me because, well, you all know I love sweets and hate to bake.
Thank you, Elizabeth and Tamara.

And again on the 24th her great presence and sense of humor warmed our hearts when she surprised us with a visit to the Center. We love you and miss you Elizabeth. Please take good care of you and return to us when you have your doctor’s blessing.

Hugs from all of us…Your friends at Almage

INFORMATION:
AVON is sold by Almage – Hochelaga. All the profits go back to Almage. Orders are placed every two weeks. Telephone 335-1712 or E-mail Almage@ccs-montreal.org

Birthdays in the month of September
♫ Happy Birthday, God Bless you, Happy Birthday to you! ♫

Elizabeth, St Myrtle,  Patrick, Marcella,  Jackie,  Eleanor,  Bridget
Aug 24 to Sep 02 – Pine Tree
Pine Tree (Peacemaker) — loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Sep 03 to Sep 12 – Weeping Willow Tree
Weeping Willow (Melancholy) – likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh

Sep 13 to Sep 22 – Lime Tree
Lime Tree (Doubt) — intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Sep 23 (only) – Olive Tree
Olive Tree (Wisdom) — loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Sep 24 to Oct 03 – Hazelnut Tree
Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) — charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Note: If we have missed your birthday please tell Dolores. She is compiling a list and would like it to be complete.

Household Hints.

When celery goes limp just put it in water with a little white sugar and it will be crisp again.

When brown sugar is hard put in a cut piece of apple and it will soften up again. Submitted by Dolores

Cleaning Tip: Natural toilet bowl cleaner

Sprinkle baking soda into the bowl, then drizzle with vinegar and scour with a toilet brush. This combination both cleans and deodorizes. (Note: DO NOT mix the combination with store-bought toilet cleaners. The combination will create toxic fumes.) Submitted by Dolores

OUR TRIP TO SUTTON

Saturday, August 1, dawned warm and sunny, a perfect day for a trip to view the beauty of Sutton at the Swiss Festival being held there.

We gathered in front of the Montreal North Centre and boarded the bus at nine o’clock to begin our 63 mile journey. The time flew by as we sing our way to the festival and again later that day home again.

Nourishment was on most of our minds as we stepped down from the bus and into a line to purchase tickets for the food tent. Sausages, steak sandwiches, and quiche were the offers of the day with various types of donuts for desert. The food was a bit pricy but it was nice to sit with friends and enjoy lunch on the slopes of the wonderful mountain.

Wrestling and practice target shooting were also on the agenda for the day. Higher up we found a large stage where various groups entertained the festival goers. The music was melodious and harmonious, very easy on the ear and relaxing. Unfortunately, seats weren’t available but we all managed for the most part to find a spot where we could enjoy the entertainment.

The most cherished moments for me were on the chair lift coming down form the 840 m level. The panoramic view of the picturesque mountain and town far below us was in itself well worth the trip.

We send a special thank you to everyone responsible for making the arrangements for our day in Sutton…. Janet

Jarry Street Center

On August 10th, 2009 after many cancelled opening dates we gathered for the first time at our new Center located on Jarry Street. Unfortunately, some of our group members were not able to join us when at last the day arrived. You were missed Diane, Djahida, Elizabeth, Ruth, Barbara, Angela, Elouise, IvyLin, and Steven. Conversely, guests from the other CCS Satellites joined us to celebrate our first day in our new home. Thank you for your support and friendship. You made our day better.

Dolores decorated the room with balloons and a cake for the celebration.

Miron, accompanied by his daughter Tamara, arrived carrying a beautiful home made marble cake. It was moist, tasty, and delicious! Thank you, Elizabeth, Tamara, and Miron. We all enjoyed the superb treat.

We started off with exercise followed by lunch: Soup, shepherds pie, chocolate pudding tea and coffee.

After lunch Dolores held a short meeting before we got our dancing shoes on for line dancing. To wind up the afternoon several people played badminton.

It was an enjoyable day reuniting with members of our close knit group and sharing our first day in the Centre with friends from the satellite groups.

A note of warning: be careful when parking on the streets near the Centre. Unfortunately, one of our group found a parking ticket on his car parked on the side street next to the Centre. Make sure you watch for signs indicating ‘residence parking only’. Janet

Synopsis of our meetings…by Dolores

August 17th meeting

We shared a little conversation while waiting for exercises to start. After all we had not seen each other for a whole week.

We began with a half hour of flexibility exercises with a joke thrown in here and there. Taken from “The Wisdom Of Larry The Cable Guy”.

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering “What the heck happened?”
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

Lunch consisted of: soup or tomato juice, beef macaroni, mandarins and peaches, a biscuit, tea or coffee.

Between lunch and line dancing we did what we really enjoy doing; held another discussion group.

We ended the afternoon line dancing: Group dance – Friendship Ballad – (La Sable et La Mer) Cab Driver, A Mi Me Gusta, Akey Breakey, Continental, Waltz – He’ll Have To Go

An impromptu Twist by Ivylin and Dolores from a CD by the Wiggles was enjoyed by all. The CD is great because it tell you what to do. We will be doing more from that CD in the future.

Those who don’t join in the dancing watch and talk amongst themselves.

To end the afternoon Frank shared a spiritual writing that he wrote while he was a member of a grief group he initiated at St. Brendan’s Parish.

August 24th meeting

People arrive and have their usual Monday before exercise chat.

A surprise visit from Elizabeth who is convalescing. Amazing lady who did the exercises with us.

11 until 11:30 Barbara and Annezie shared in leading the Vie Active flexibility exercises.

Lunch

Frank read a beautiful inspiration called Grandmas hands.

Diane was back from vacation so we were able to discuss what had to be discussed. Put in motion a trip to go apple picking and also a trip to see the changing of the leaves. This being out new center there are still things to be ironed out and discussed. Next week we will see where our storage place will be so we can leave things at the center instead of carrying them back and forth.

We finished off the afternoon with three line dances…Dolores

INSPIRATIONAL
Faith of a child

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even. The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall’s Drug Store with the big Red Indian Chief’s sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was so busy at this moment Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

“And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoying tone of voice. I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,” he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

“Well, I want to talk to you about my brother.” Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick and I want to buy a miracle.”

I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist
“His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?’

“We don’t sell merciless here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help you, “the pharmacist said, softening a little.

“Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough. I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.”

The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl. “What kind of miracle does your brother need?

I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation but Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”

”How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago.

“One dollar and eleven cents.” Tess answered barely audibly and it’s all the, money I have, bur I can get more if I need to.”

Well what a coincidence” smiled the man a dollar and eleven cents …the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.”

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.”

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom & Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

That surgery, her Mom whispered, was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost.”

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost: One dollar and eleven cents plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives we never know how many miracles we will need. Submitted by Frank

Frank‘s Story

12 year old Frank Kramer watched his father suffer through serious illness during the depression years, around 1932. Frank’s father was being treated by Dr. Goldberg and was admitted to the Montreal Neurological Hospital on University Street for surgery. Dr. Penfield met with Mr. Kramer and said that he could not perform the surgery but his associate would.

Mrs. Kramer made arrangement to pay the $300.00 bill in installments.

The hospitalized Mr. Kramer saw a patient, a young man who seemed to have an emotional problem, become upset. He went over to the man and spoke with him, reassuring him and calming him.

Dr. Penfield standing nearby watched and later questioned Mr. Kramer asking why he had spoken to the disturbed man. Mr. Kramer said: “He is also a “mench”. To which Dr. Penfield replied “He is my brother”.

One or two payments had been made on the large hospital and surgical bill and the next payment was due. Frank brought the payment his mother gave him to the office only to be told the bill was paid in full …there was no balance.

Much later in Frank life while spending time with his mother before her death Frank learned from her what had really transpired at the time a way back in the depression years.

God Blessed Mr. & Mrs. Kramer through the kindness of Dr. Wilder Penfield who witnessed Frank’s father reach out in love, compassion and understanding to someone in distress and who just happened to be Dr. Penfield’s brother.

**Note: mench A German word which, in Yiddish, means “a good person”. A mench is a particularly good person with the qualities one would hope for in a dear friend or trusted colleague; a gentleman.

O
ctober 1,
International Day of Older Persons

The General Assembly of the United Nations designated October 1st as International Day of Older Persons. This Day was observed for the first time throughout the world on October 1st, 1991.
By designating a “Special Day” for seniors, the Assembly was giving recognition to the contributions of seniors to development and also drawing attention to a demographic phenomenon: the graying of the population, the “age of aging”.

The Quilt Holes’
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.

My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.

My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn’t had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me… Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ… Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, ‘Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.

Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.’

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life…it’s up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go.’

When there is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Submitted by Barbara

THE HISTORY OF ‘APRONS’
I don’t think our kids know what an apron is.

The Principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a
few, it was easier to wash aprons than dresses And they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty
ears.

From the Chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying Eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched
Eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When Company came, those aprons were ideal hiding Places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big Old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove

Chips and Kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the Garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out
The hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron
could dust in a matter of seconds.

When Dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the Porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was
time to come in from the fields to Dinner.

It will be A long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that
served so many purposes.

Remember: Grandma Used to set her hot baked apple pies on their Window sill to cool.

Her Granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to Thaw.

They would Go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs Were on that apron.

I don’t think I ever caught anything from an apron. Submitted by Barbara

Quotable Quotes

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end. Benjamin Disraeli
Give all to love, obey thy heart. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Along with Success comes a reputation for wisdom. – Euripide
A
n 85-year-old couple
They had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.”

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “Remember, this is your reward in Heaven.”

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

“What are the greens fees?” grumbled the old man.
“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You play for free, every day….”
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
“Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. “This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?” he asked.
“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!’
The old man pushed, “No gym to work out at?”
“Not unless you want to, was the answer.
“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…”
“Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.”

The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your flippen bran flakes. We could have been here 10 years ago!”
Submitted by Barbara

I love this Doctor His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he’s a medical wizard!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it…. Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables…
So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc…

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
AND…..For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Conclusion…..Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Inner Peace:

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably the Family Dog! And you thought I was going to get all spiritual. Barbara)

‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, ‘YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE’.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me dinner tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will bring me dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

The wife replied, “The funeral director would be my first guess…” Submitted by Dolores

A NEWFIE DIET

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.
When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!
Why, that’s amazing!’ the doctor said, ‘Did you follow my instructions?
The Newfie nodded. ‘I’ll tell you though, Lard tunderin Jesus, I t’aut I was goin to drop dead on dat tird day.
‘From the hunger, you mean?’ asked the doctor.
‘No, from the friggin’ skippin’ Submitted by Dolores

Southern Ten Commandments

This is much easier to remember!
Some people have trouble with all those ‘shall’s’ and ‘shall not’s’ in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren’t used to talking in those terms. So, in middle Tennessee they translated the ‘King James’ into ‘ Jackson County ‘ language…..no joke (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro, TN).
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin’ before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin’
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin’
(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal
(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers
(9) No tellin’ tales or gossipin’
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

Now that’s plain an’ simple. Y’all have a nice day! Submitted by Dolores

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
Submitted by Ted

Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11 My mother taught me about WEATHER “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. “Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION “Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING “You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS “You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me about WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

And my favorite: 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Submitted by Barbara

Dear Ann (Landers):

I ran across a little essay that had a profound effect on me. It appeared in a book by Merle Shain. Please share it with your readers. Mrs. J

“And the Lord said to the rabbi, “Come I will show you hell.” They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone was famished and desperate. Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so long that it could not be used to reach each person’s mouth. The suffering was terrible.

“Come now I will show you heaven. The Lord said after a while. They entered another room, identical al to the first – the pot of stew, the group of people, and the same long spoons. But there everyone was happy and nourished.

‘I don’t understand, said the rabbi, “: Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything is the same? The Lord smiled, “Ah, but don’t you see? He said. ‘Here they have learned to feed each other.”
Submitted by Frank

M
y son the vet
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of the Granville Presbyterian church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”

The pastor asked, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”

The old lady replied, “$10,000 a week.”

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful! What does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

“That is an honorable profession,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”

The little old lady said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
Submitted by Barbara
Quotable Quotes:

“We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace” Peggy Tabor Millin

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

Without friends no one would choose to live, thought he had all other goods. Aristotle

The Question
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
“Which do you think is farther away….? Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????”

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex… Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”

“HELLLOOOOOOO……,” answered the blond.. “They’re watch dogs!” Submitted by Ted

A
minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, “For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, “Shall We Gather at the River.”

Confucius Says:

Man who run in Front of car get tired.
Man who run behind Car get exhausted.
Man with one Chopstick goes hungry.
Man who eat many Prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is Left.
Wife who put Husband in doghouse soon find him in Cathouse.
Man who drive like Hell, bound to get there.
Man who lives in Glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails. Submitted by Dolores

Quotes:

Pierre Burton writing of Scots in early Quebec said: “The Irish outnumbered them as did the English, but the Scots ran the country. Through they formed only one-fifteenth of the population, they controlled the fur trade, the great banking houses, the major functional institutions and to a considerable degree, the government”

Our greatest gift is in never falling but in rising every time we fall. Anonymous

The secret to happiness is not in doing what one likes to do, but in liking what one had to do -Anonymous
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all”. Helen Keller

Guess which of the following are true and which are false? Answers on page 22

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it’s from being indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!

6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.

7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute…

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in ‘An Officer and a Gentleman’ and ‘Tootsie.’

20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State Anthem.

21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren’t added to Coca-Cola, it would be green…

HEALTH

Flatulence or Gas
This discomfort is caused by an accumulation of air in the stomach or the intestine that also causes a bloating sensation. Although gas may be unpleasant, it is rarely indicative of a series health problem. It is even normal. It is estimated that, on average men and women pass wind about ten times a day.

How is gas formed? An important source of gas is the consumption of complex sugars that are not transformed into absorbable sugars. When these sugars go through the intestine, they are broken down bacteria that use them as food and later produce gas. Soft drinks and beer are another important source of flatulence. These beverages contain a lot of gas as you can see by the amount of bubbles. In addition, some gas bubbles are formed while drinking the beverage and are thereby followed. The gas can be eliminated from the stomach by eructation (burping) or by the intestine as gas. By eliminating or decreasing the consumption of soft drinks and beer, it is possible to reduce flatulence.

Food without sugar often contains sorbitol or fructose which are two sugar substitutes hard for the intestine to absorb. When unabsorbed these two substances also form gas in the intestines.

It is possible to swallow air while eating. This happens especially when you suffer from nasal congestion. You breathe through the mouth and swallow air with every mouthful. If you wear a poorly fitted case or partial, you are also more at risk of suffering from flatulence. You swallow saliva and air more often. Thus, it is important to always have your case or partial well fitted. If you smoke a cigar or a pipe, you increase salvation and ingestion of air. This air can exit by eructation or intestinal gas.

If you suffer from lactase deficiency, you cannot adequately digest lactose contained in dairy products. The lactose is then fermented by the bacteria, which leads to gas. Lactase deficiency, you can avoid dairy products or take lactose enzymes such as Lactaid products.

Simple habits can reduce flatulence. Avoid carbonated beverages. Avoid eating while talking. Avoid chewing gum. Avoid food rich in complex sugars. Avoid drinking while eating. Avoid sugar substitutes (sorbitol or fructose). Exercise regularly,

It is preferable to see a doctor if: You have abdominal pain. You suffer from constipation or diarrhea. Your flatulence does not go away despite preventive measures and over the counter medicine. You have lost weight.

NEW INFORMATION ON HEART ATTACKS

There are other symptoms of a heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack. The majority of people (about 60%) who had a heart attack during their sleep did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.

If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and swallow them with a bit of water.
CALL 911 DO NOT lay down Unlock the front door. Afterwards: – phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by say “heart attack!” – say that you have taken 2 aspirins. Take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their arrival and. DO NOT lie down.
Friendly Advice from Jean Coutu

F
ROM THE NEWSPAPERS
The violinist

Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the till and, without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes: A3 year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly, as the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced them to move on.

45 minutes: The musician played. Only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32.

1 hour: He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments.
How many other things are we missing? Submitted by Janet

FROM THE WEB:

DE-CLUTTER YOUR BRAIN (Summery of Article by: Elizabeth Rogers)

The “mental clutter” like unrealistic expectations, guilt, seemingly impossible-to-overcome obstacles, fear, stress and poor time management skills can hold you back from living well.

It’s time to get rid of these obstacles that can be physical or emotion barriers preventing us from succeeding. Ask yourself: what is getting in the way of your ideal situation?

For instance, if you don’t know how to track your spending, how can you find ways to cut back? Even keeping your credit card on hand can be a barrier to a debt-free life.
Changing your financial situation will take some physical measures but it may also require re-thinking your emotional relationship to the “stuff” you want to buy.

How can you identify obstacles? If you find yourself saying “I’ll do x when I have the money/free time/space…” chances are you’re facing some kind of barrier.

Commit time: taking twenty minutes each day by turning off the TV to make time for exercise. The trick is to commit time on a regular basis so that your changes become habit.

Establishing boundaries gives us a mental guide to what is or is not “allowed” when trying to meet our goals.

Creating a budget is one kind of boundary, as is eating food only in designated areas (like in the kitchen or dining room, but not in front of the TV or computer).

Why are limits important? Walsh warns that we often use “being too busy” or “overwhelmed” as excuses avoiding the things that need to get done — like exercising on a regular basis. Learning to say “no” and not taking on more commitments than you can handle means you can’t hide behind the excuses. You’ll be better able to find time to spend on activities that support the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live.
Boundaries can also keep the physical clutter around the home to a minimum if you designate certain spots for certain items

Make small changes…Start with small, reasonable goals, and start weeding out those activities like watching TV or shopping for more “stuff” that doesn’t help you meet them. Break larger goals into smaller steps that you can accomplish more easily.
Accept imperfections. Don’t get discouraged if things don’t go smoothly. You can’t expect to be successful all of the time, and being too hard on yourself will weaken rather than strengthen you. Remember, the goal is personal growth and development. Being negative will undermine that goal. Live in the present (and plan for tomorrow)

Clearing up any kind of clutter involves letting go. Moving forward also means letting go of the past, or more importantly how things got done in the past. The choices you make moving forward should be based on what you have to work with and your future goals.
Face your fears and “owning” your problems. You’ll have to face hard truths and find answers to the tough questions you’d rather avoid. In the end the experience is liberating.

H1N1 vaccine (Ottawa)

Dr. Butler-Jones said “We are confident the 50.4 million vaccine doses we plan to purchase will be sufficient to meet the needs of every Canadian likely to need and want protection,”

Although the delivery of immunization is a provincial and territorial responsibility, given the exceptional circumstances of a pandemic, the Government of Canada intends to cover 60 per cent of this purchase on a one-time basis.

Clinical trials are expected to begin by October, if not sooner, and if all goes well, immunization programs will begin by November. These timelines are largely consistent with pandemic vaccine development internationally.
As of May 15, 2009, Québec’s public health authorities no longer systematically study suspected or probable cases of influenza A (H1N1) in the community. Only cases requiring hospitalization are now investigated.

The symptoms of influenza (H1N1) are comparable to those of seasonal flu: fever, cough, fatigue, reduced appetite, and headache and muscle pain. Certain individuals infected by the A (H1N1) virus will also experience a runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Symptoms can vary from one person to the next. and, as with seasonal flu; the existence of an underlying chronic illness may lead to complications.

You can catch the flu if you are in contact with a contaminated surface or an infected person and you then touch your nose, mouth or eyes. Symptoms develop one to seven days after infection. It should be noted that an infected person may be contagious 24 hours before and up to seven days after the onset of symptoms.

The flu virus prefers cool, dry places and spreads with close contact between people. It can live for a certain time on hard surfaces. However, it is easily destroyed by washing one’s hands in lukewarm water with soap or by using a hand disinfectant or sanitizer. Household disinfectants destroy the virus on surfaces.

Healthy people usually get better on their own. If you have influenza (H1N1), you should stay at home insofar as possible and rest until your symptoms are gone. The flu does not usually require medication, but over-the-counter remedies can be used to relieve symptoms. To avoid infecting others, it is important to have as little contact as possible with family and friends until symptoms disappear.

The usual respiratory hygiene measures should also be applied by people who are ill: If you have to sneeze or cough, cover your mouth and nose with a tissue. Dispose of soiled tissues in the trash. If you do not have a tissue, turn your face into your shoulder or the bend of your elbow to sneeze or cough. Wash your hands often. If soap and water are not available, use an antiseptic product.

As a rule, persons who have flu symptoms that include fever should see a health professional if they:
are at risk of developing complications because of age (less than 2 years old or more than 65) or an underlying chronic illness; are experiencing pain or having difficulty breathing; have been vomiting for more than four hours; are confused or are having convulsions.
For information – influenza A (H1N1) Services Québec: 7 days a wk, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.: 1 877 644-4545.

For information about individual health, call Info-Santé: 8-1-1. Minister of Health 613-957-0200
Public Health Agency of Canada Media Relations (613) 941-8189
Submitted by Janet

WW1 Veterans

Both Henry Allingham & Harry Patch, Britain’s last 2 survivors from the First World War have died making Australia’s Claude Choules, 108, the last known living British veteran of the war.

Henry Allingham celebrated his 113 birthday on June 6 making him the world’s oldest man when he died on July 18. Harry Patch age 110 died a week later on July 25.

Mr. Allingham was the last surviving member of the Royal Naval Air Service, & a founding member of the Royal Air Force. At the end of his funeral service the church bells tolled 113 times & 5 replica First World War planes performed a fly-past. Henry might not have cared much for the pomp & ceremony at his funeral. This was the man who when asked how he wished to be remembered, replied that he did not want to be remembered at all. “I want to be forgotten. Remember the others.”
Veteran Harry Patch was briefly the oldest man in Europe until his death on July 25. Harry, who was born in Somerset, was a plumber by trade & served as a private. He fought in the trenches at the Battle of Passchendaele. In his autobiography, The Last Fighting Tommy, he spoke of his aversion to war.
“Somerset people are not warlike – it is not something in our make-up,” he wrote.

Mr. Patch attributed his long life to clean living, avoiding what he describes as the “three sins” of smoking, drinking & gambling. “For many years I lived quite close to the Welsh mountains,” he said. “Fresh air, no petrol and no cars, that’s the secret.”

Thousands paid their respects at the funeral of World War I veteran Harry Patch at a service at Wells Cathedral, in Somerset. Submitted by Janet

Ronnie Biggs

LONDON – One of Britain’s most notorious criminals has officially been released from prison.
But the family of Ronnie Biggs says the fax which confirmed his freedom won’t change much. The so-called “Great Train Robber” will likely stay where he is, in bed, seriously ill.
Britain’s Justice Secretary Jack Straw said he was releasing Biggs on compassionate grounds because he is near death. Saturday is Biggs’ 80th birthday.

The Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs was a member of a 15-strong gang which attacked a mail train in Ledburn, Buckinghamshire, on 8 August 1963 that netted 2.6 million pounds – worth more than $50 million today. The train driver was hit over the head and left unconscious.

Most of the gang was soon rounded up. Biggs was sentenced to 30 years in jail but escaped from prison in a furniture van after spending 15 months in jail. He fled to Brazil, where he made a living from his notoriety, regaling journalists and tourists with stories of his exploits and even recording with punk band The Sex Pistols.
In 2001, he voluntarily returned to Britain, surrendered to police and was sent back to jail. He was locked up in Belmarsh high-security prison in London on his return before being moved to a specialist medical unit at Norwich prison

He has suffered a series of strokes and a broken hip, and is being treated for pneumonia. He is now bedridden, fed through a tube, and barely able to communicate.
He became eligible for parole last month after he served a total of 10 years of his 30-year sentence, but Straw overruled a parole board recommendation that Biggs be freed, saying that he was “wholly unrepentant” about his crimes.

Straw said that Biggs’ condition changed his mind. “The medical evidence clearly shows that Mr. Biggs is very ill and that his condition has deteriorated recently, culminating in his readmission to hospital. His condition is not expected to improve,” Straw said in a statement. “It is for that reason that I am granting Mr. Biggs compassionate release on medical grounds.”

Straw said Biggs must now live at an approved address and cannot travel abroad without approval from British authorities. Submitted by Janet

GLENFIDDICH Jul 30 2009 £10K a bottle as Scotland’s rarest whisky goes on sale – at £10,000 a bottle.
Glenfiddich 50-year-old has been produced on Speyside over the last half century. Only two casks have been made and laid to rest in a warehouse at the Glenfiddich distillery in Dufftown. And just 50 bottles a year will be sold for the next 10 years from the stock of 500 bottles. Each 35ml nip works out at a staggering £500.

Glenfiddich chairman Peter Gordon admitted: “We’re happy to wait as long as we need – up to 50 years in this instance – to produce the perfect whisky.”

A
rticles for our CCS/Almage Satellite newsletter for our newspaper are not only welcomed but are needed and valued.

Answers to questions on page 15 are all TRUE … Now go back and think about #16!!!

If you have an upcoming event to announce or if you have an article to sell please speak to Barbara, Dolores, or Janet and we will post it in “Old Bones” News.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

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