SEPTEMBER 2011

September 1, 2011

Edition 3, Issue 9  “OLD BONES” NEWS

Month of September Birthday

Happy Birthday, Y Dear Elizabeth Y Happy Birthday to you! ♫

 September baby -Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.

Sep 13 to Sep 22 –   Lime Tree (Celtic horoscope)

Lime Tree -intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loya

Day of Older Persons

Next month we will be celebrating a special day.

The General Assembly of the United Nations designated October 1st as International Day of Older Persons. This Day was observed for the first time throughout the world on October 1st, 1991.

 Rosemount/St. Michel satellite health up-date

 As of today, August 26, 2011, I am happy to report Cheryl is feeling better and she is home from the hospital.

On the other hand we have several members who are feeling under-the-weather:
Barbara had pneumonia.  with the help of medication she is returning to good health.
Bea fell on August 09th and broke her arm.  Regrettably she is still in a lot of pain.
Elizabeth had sore muscles from head to toe after she moved an exercise machine.. Thankfully the pain is gone.   
Unfortunately Elizabeth and Miron are both suffering from a cold.
Ilya fell and pulled muscles in his back.  With a bit of luck he will soon be pain free and back to leading us in our exercise sessions.
I have inflamed muscles in my back. I’m trusting prescribed meds will soon take the pain away.

 And on another note I have been out of town to attend my dear brother Rankin’s funeral in Nova Scotia and to visit my 98 year old sister in Boston who is not doing well.

If I missed anyone who is under the weather I apologize.    I wish you all good health.

 Events at Rosemount/St. Michel satellite

1          Generous members of our group have been donating and preparing food for our Monday lunches.         Their generosity enabled us to use the money we collected for meals towards our rent.  If we all take our turn for the next 

    Each of us is asked to bring a piece of fruit for dessert.  It will be added to a fruit platter for you to   choose from.

    If you wish to donate a meal please see Helena, Barbara or Janet.

 2          Eleven members of Rosemount/St. Michel satellite met for lunch at Restaurant Fu Lam on August    24th.   It was reported that they had a fun time. 

 3          It was decided by a vote of 16 – 1 that the Center be closed on Labour Day week-end             September 5th, 2011.

A Few Facts on falling and what to do

Excerpts from  seniors-aines

We all fall from time to time. With age, both the number of falls and the likelihood of injury increase. So, it’s important to know what to do if you fall or if you see someone else fall. Reacting properly to a fall can make the difference between a “serious” fall and a “less serious” one. It often helps to decrease its physical and psychological consequences.

One-third of seniors (age 65 and over) have a fall every year; half of them have more than one fall. Falls are the most common cause of injury among seniors. Seniors are nine times more likely to be hurt in a fall than someone under age 65. Nearly two-thirds of injury related hospitalizations for seniors are the result of falls.

 Roughly half of all falls occur at home

What to do after a fall… If You CAN Get Up

The first thing to do is to catch your breath. Check and see if you are injured. Even if you think you’re OK, take your time before getting up again.

 Follow These Five Steps for Getting Up

1          Lie on your side, bend the leg that is on top and lift yourself onto your elbows or hands.

2          Pull yourself toward an armchair or other sturdy object, and then kneel while placing both hands on        the chair or object.

3          Place your stronger leg in front, holding on to the chair or object.

4          Stand up .Very carefully, turn and sit down Most of all, stay calm.

What to do after a fall… If You CANNOT Get Up

            If you feel any discomfort or are unable to get up, try to get help.

1.         Call out for help if you think you can be heard.

2.         If you have an emergency call device or telephone at hand, use it.

3.         If you don’t, try to slide yourself towards a telephone or a place where you will be heard.

4.         Make noise with your cane or another object to attract attention.

5.         Wait for help in the most comfortable position for you.

6.         If you can, place a pillow under your head and cover yourself with a piece of clothing or a blanket to      stay warm.

7.         Try to move your joints to ease circulation and prevent stiffness.

What to Do After a Fall If You Are the WITNESS

If you see someone fall, resist the urge to get the person up immediately. First check for condition: is the person conscious or unconscious? Does the person appear to be injured? Reassure the person.

If the individual cannot get up, call for help and administer first aid if you are able to do so. Help the person find a comfortable position and keep him or her warm using an item of clothing or blanket.

If the individual appears able to get up, proceed with care and follow the steps below.

1.         Bring a chair close by; help the person turn onto the side and bend the upper leg; help the person into     a semi-seated position.

2.         Placing yourself behind the person and getting a firm grip on the hips, help the person to a kneeling         position with both hands on the chair.

3.         Holding on to the chair, the person should then place the stronger leg in front. You may help by guiding his or her leg.
4.         With a firm grip on the hips, help the person to stand, then turn and sit on the chair.

When to see a Doctor

Whether you’re the victim or the witness of a fall, never underestimate its seriousness. Even if it appears no harm was done, there could be after-effects.

If you have: injures; a strong or lingering pain; dizziness: nausea; overall weakness; headaches; vision problems

Symptoms may appear in the days that follow a fall. If you fall, take note of your condition. If you witness a fall, take note of the person’s condition.

 In some cases, a fall may be the sign of an illness, or it may be caused by medication. It’s always better to mention falls to your doctor. He or she can then assess the situation and see if the fall is linked to an illness, prescribed medication or over-the-counter drugs.

 Atricle from seniors-aines.   For more information E-mail: seniors-aines@phac-aspc.gc.ca

GLOBAL WARMING

THE fish in our suppers is getting smaller, scientists have proved.

Researchers at Aberdeen University have found the average haddock is almost a third smaller than in the 1970s.

Their work confirms what fish supper fans in Scotland have suspected for years. And they believe that the shrinkage is caused by global warming.

The study by the university’s zoology department found that in the last 40 years, the average haddock shrank by 30 per cent.

Scientists believe that the warming North Sea, where the temperature has risen by one degree in the same time, encourages juvenile fish to mature earlier, which means they have less time to grow.

In the 1970s, the average fish reached adulthood after 30 months but by 2009, it occurred after about 15 months.

Similar findings are emerging in research into the effects of global warming on whiting and herring.

And scientists have warned smaller fish produce fewer and less robust eggs, raising fears over the future of North Sea species.

Alan Baudron, who led the study, said: “Catch quotas are expressed in weight, so it means more smaller fish can be caught.      “If older fish are smaller it could affect reproductive potential.”  Submitted by Ellen

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

Now We Know Why He Was a General —–  

In a recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought  there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
The General said, “I believe that forgiving them is God’s function ….

OUR job is to arrange the meeting.                                                                               Submitted by Jennifer

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION   

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom with a very attractive young woman. She was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me? — A faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’

Her husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’
‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

He began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.  So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away  and gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.    

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please  … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’                                                                                    Submitted by Barbara

 

BEST COMEBACK RESPONSE OF THE YEAR

 

 If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police

Officer’s credibility…

Q:        ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’

A:         ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q:        ‘Officer — who provided this description?’

A:         ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q:        ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow      officers?’

A: ‘       Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q:        ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes     in preparation for your daily duties?’

A:         ‘Yes sir, we do!’

Q:        ‘And do you have a locker in the room?’

A:         ‘Yes sir, I do.’

Q:        ‘And do you have a lock on your locker?’

A:         ‘Yes sir.’

Q:        ‘Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock           your locker in a room you share with these same officers?’

A:         ‘You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been            known to walk through that room.’

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.       Submitted by Jennifer

 

QUIPS

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.                                                                               Submitted by Stella

 

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, ‘I have a 22 year old husband at home. Every morning when he gets up he makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’ 

I said, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’

She said, ‘He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then snuggles with me for half the afternoon…

I said, ‘well, why are you crying?’

She said, ‘For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then we make whoopee until 2:00 a.m.

‘I said, ‘Well, why in the world would you be crying?’

She said, ‘I can’t remember where I live!’                                                                       Submitted by Stella

 

One morning, the boss walked into the office not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, “This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?

The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office, puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.  He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door.’ He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, “When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?”

She smiled and said, “No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires.”

Submitted by Barbara

 

Quips

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true? Where is it found?

 A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: “And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt”     Submitted by Stella

Baby’s First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.         

‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.

‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did. He examined her breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’                                  

I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.

 

 

 

Ole Fills In

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant.

‘Ole, I am goin’ huntin’ tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic.  I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.’

‘Yes, sir!’ answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: ‘So, Ole, How was your day?’

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. ‘The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.’

‘Bravo, Mate, and the second one?’ asks the doctor.

‘The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,’ says Ole.

Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?’ asks the Doctor.

‘Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.  Like a flame, she undresses herself, and lies down on the table and shouts: “HELP ME – I haven’t seen a man in over two years!”

‘Tunderin’ Lard, Ole, what did you do?’ asks the doctor.

‘I put drops in her eyes!!                                                                                               Submitted by Barbara

 

 

Noah Today    In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in Buffalo and said:
“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over -populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”

“Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.”

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah Weeping in his yard – but no Ark.
“Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain!  Where is the Ark?” 

“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.” “I needed a Building Permit.”

“I’ve been arguing with the Boat Inspector About the need for a sprinkler system.”

“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a variance.”

“Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the Passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”

“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Spotted Barn Owl.”  “I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls but no go!”

“When I started gathering the animals the SPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

“Then the Environmental Agency ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m Supposed to hire for my building crew.”

“Immigration is checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work.”

“The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.”

“To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”

“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 Years for me to finish this Ark.”

“Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.”  Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

“No,” said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it.”                                                    Submitted by Ted

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter.

Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: ‘I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.’

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note ‘I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.’                Submitted by Ted

 

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: ‘I have good news and bad news. The good news is we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is it’s still out there in your pockets.’                                                                                       Submitted by Ted

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

‘Reverend,’ said the young man, ‘I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.’

 The minister chuckled, ‘I know what you mean. It’s the same in my business.’                Submitted by Ted

DID YOU KNOW

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn’t smoke unless it’s heated above 450°F

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. 

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density

The University of Alaska spans four time zones  

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage.  Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.                                                          Submitted by Ted

HISTORY

STORY NUMBER ONE

 

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago.  Capone wasn’t famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” He was Capone’s lawyer for a good reason.  Eddie was very good!  In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well.  Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well.  For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day.  The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the mob & gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. 

He did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld.   Price was no object.

And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong.  Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was.   Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.

He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al “Scarface” Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity.  To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.  So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street.  But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he would ever pay.  Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.

The poem read:

“The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop,

 at late or early hour.  Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will.

Place no faith in time.  For the clock may soon be still.”

 

STORY NUMBER TWO

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare, a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission.  After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank.   He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.

His flight leader told him to return to the carrier.  Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American Fleet.

The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless.  He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet.  Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.  There was only one thing to do.  He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes.  Wing-mounted 50 caliber’s blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault.  He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier.

Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale.   It showed the extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet.  He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor.

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.  His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor.  It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.

So what do these two stories have to do with each other?

Butch O’Hare was “Easy Eddie’s” son.                                                                          Submitted by Ted

Quebec has been asked twice whether it wants to become independent. Scotland will be asked the same question soon.

Iain MacWhirter travels to Montreal and Ottawa (2011) to ask whether the experience of having a referendum hanging over it has harmed or galvanized Quebecois society?

There Are Five Things That You Cannot Recover In Life:

 

(1) The Stone………..after it’s thrown,

(2) The Word…………….after it’s said,

(3) The Occasion…..after it’s missed.

(4) The Time…………….after it’s gone

(5) A person…………….after they die.

 Please submit articles to: janet@scottishvoice.org

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